Somebody That I Used To Know
by Fegele
Summary: The History has its rules. First,you've to kill to survive. Second,don't beg your enemy, never. Third,don't fall in love with who can betray and destroy you.Ivan and Ludwig have already broken them,old-title:My Beloved Enemy... Ivan x Teen!Ludwig Mpreg!
1. At First Sight

**A.N.** Hi to everyone! This isn't my first fanfiction but it's my first fanfiction with this account and with **these two**! The Summary sucks so under there you can find something else before the real chapter. Good reading!

**Pairings\Characters: **Ivan x Ludwig, a sort of one-side Alfred x Ludwig, hint of FrUk. Gilbert will be very important during the story and Roderich will be there, as well... with the rest of the Soviet Union.

**Warnings: **Well... at the start of the story we have a sixteen!Ludwig with Ivan, he will grow up but not very soon. Some violent scene (but NOT rape), lemon and Mpreg. Yes, guys, Mpreg but it will come later! Nothing else for now!

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><p><strong><em>[At First Sight]<em>**

B_erlin, 1960_

"Guten morgen, Bruder…" Ludwig Beilschmidt said kneeling before Gilbert's tomb. "I've forgotten the flowers today, I'm sorry", he added with a sad smile on his face. "I'm escaped again, Francis and Arthur say that it's not good for a young boy to spend so much time into a cemetery. I don't even remember you, I know but… I feel safe in this place but none is going to understand me." He made a pause sitting on the pavement not caring if he was going to get his jeans dirty. "Alfred is the only one that tries to understand me, he doesn't say _no _to me every time! He is a good friend… Arthur and Francis aren't so bad with me but Arthur is always so severe, he was gentler when I was younger and Francis… I think Francis doesn't like me anymore and I don't understand the reason."

It suddenly sounded so stupid: Ludwig was talking with a tomb. A silent, dead tomb, none could answer to him in that place but he didn't have good days ultimately so he felt the necessity to talk with that cold stone, to not feel so alone anymore. To have the illusion that there was someone in that world that cared about him. Roderich had said to him that his brother, Gilbert, had loved him more than himself but Ludwig couldn't remember him. He was only two when Gilbert died. "You can't even answer to me…" He murmured rising on his feet again. "But you're the only one that is able to listen to me."

He turned around and walked away. "Francis and Arthur won't be happy to see me…"

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><p>"Where the hell were you?" Arthur shouted when he stepped inside the kitchen. "Are you cooking?" Ludwig asked sniffing the air. "Answer me, Ludwig!" The Brit yelled covering the smoking pot behind him. "I was to the cemetery…" He muttered looking everywhere but the older man's face, "I wanted to stay alone with my brother for a while, I needed to talk with him."<p>

Arthur sighed deeply throwing the wooden spoon inside the full sink, Ludwig sighed deeply shaking his head slowly: the Brit has never been a good housewife! Never! "Can I clean everything before after lunch?" He asked. "No!" Arthur shouted back, "we have to talk about this habit of talking to a tomb-stone."

"I've always did it…"

"And It's always been a problem!" Arthur replied sitting to the table. "Sit down!... Now!" He added quickly pointing at the chair in front of him. Ludwig took off his jacket and obeyed, "Arthur…"

"Shut up! I have a mission for you!"

Ludwig widened his eyes. "Didn't we have to talk about the tomb-stone? And I can't have a mission!"

"Who did say that?"

"You!"

Arthur waved a hand in the air absently. "Forget about it! It is a very important thing: the Frog has forgotten his lunch." _Who knows the reason... _Ludwig thought smiling briefly, "What do you want from me?" Arthur handed him a little lunch-box smiling brightly, "You have to take the lunch to him!" Ludwig looked at the box in his hands and then at the Brit in front of him. "I think Francis won't be happy to see me and…"

"He will be happy to see his lunch!"

"I don't think so…"

Arthur gave him a very dangerous gaze, "Someone has allowed you to think? No, don't answer! Go! Go! It's late!" The older man grabbed the teenager's arm lifting him on his feet and pushing him out of the door. "I don't even know where he is now!" Ludwig replied opening the house's gate. "Palace of the Government!"

"But it is far away!"

"We've bought you that fucking moped for a reason!"

* * *

><p>"Do you want another war?" Alfred shouted hitting his fists against the desk's surface. "Calm down, mon cher…" Francis tried to say resting a hand on the younger one's shoulder. "Answer me, Ivan! Do you want another war?" The American insisted giving to the Russian a hateful gaze. Ivan didn't even move, he stayed on the chair where he was sitting staring at his enemy with a diabolical smile, "Are you afraid, Alfred?"<p>

"Afraid?" The American shouted again. "Of you?"

"Do I have to remember to you that you're talking about a third war in Europe, Alfred?" Francis said in the boy's ear. "You're angry and you're right but you can't lose your patient in front of your enemy, do you understand?"

"Listen to Francis, Alfred. He is older than you and he knows very well what means to be against me. Right, Francis?" The French man didn't answer and Alfred tried to calm himself a little. "But I don't want to talk about our little personal problems, Alfred. To be honest, I don't understand why you've convicted me only because I was walking along your same road. "

"Why did you come to Berlin?" The American asked and Francis relaxed himself when he heard that he was incredibly calm. "This is part of my territory, isn't it?" Ivan said innocently, "I've always loved this city, this state. It's warmer than my house, it's beautiful and it reminds me about the most glorious day of my life." Alfred lowered his gaze. "You piece of shit…" he muttered. Francis coughed a little to cover his voice but Ivan heard him very well. "Do I have to remind to you that we were allies that day?" He asked sarcastically. Alfred gave him another hateful gaze sitting on his seat behind the desk again and Francis chose that moment to rest his back against the nearest wall. "Does our dear gentleman know about my little visit?" Ivan asked suddenly. "Or is he taking care of the little monster?"

Francis looked at Alfred and the younger one stared back at him. "Oui…" The older blond answered, "Angleterre is with the young Germany right now."

"He has always had a motherly side, da?"

"Don't talk about my mate with that sarcastic tone, Ivan", Francis added with colder voice. "We're doing the right thing! We're doing the right thing since Gilbert's death but you've never cared about the boy so stop to call him monster, you don't know him."

"I know that he has destroyed me and you and a great part of Arthur's territories. It's enough for me."

"It's all over fifteen years ago!"

"Not for me!" Ivan replied, his smile died. "I wanted to kill that infant but you didn't have the heart to hurt the poor, innocent Gilbert. After the Prussia's dissolution, we could free the world from him but none wanted to listen to me!" Alfred widened his eyes. "He was only two years old when Gilbert is dead!"

"Da… Two years after his Apocalypse!"

"Ivan…" Francis interfered coming closer to the Russian. "This is your territory, we can't push you away but don't think about Ludwig anymore! It's an order."

"You can't give me orders, my old friend!" Ivan replied laughing briefly. "How old is he, now?" He added looking at the young American. "I saw him five years ago and he was eleven. How old is he, now?" Francis sighed deeply giving a quick gaze to Alfred. "Fifteen… he will turn into sixteen in January."

"18th January, correct?"

Alfred widened his eyes. "Gilbert has chosen it, right? Because the baby has grown up very quickly during the firsts days. He found the little thing during the seventh day of May but the monster looked like a five or six months old baby only two days later."

"He grows up almost like a human child…" Francis commented. "Can we know when will you leave the city?" Ivan laughed again but he didn't have the time to answer: someone knocked on the door but it didn't wait for an answer. The blond boy stepped inside the room calmly holding a little box between his hands, a helmet was hanged to his right arm and a surprised expression appeared on his face when he lifted his blue eyes on the third man inside the office. Francis was the first one to react, "Merde…" he growled turning towards the window behind the desk. "Ludwig!" Alfred exclaimed forcing a gentle smile and coming closer to the teenager, "what are you doing here?"

"I…" Ludwig lowered his blue eyes blushing a little. "Arthur ordered me to give this thing to Francis…" He muttered handing the little box to the American and Alfred nodded. "Sure… the lunch…" Francis moaned slapping a hand against his forehead. Ivan didn't react, at first, he continued to stare at the blond boy in silence focusing on the shadows of his expression, on the impossible innocence of his features. It didn't like what he felt, he hated it with all his heart but he really couldn't help but stare at those pink lips and those blue embarrassed eyes. _Perfect, _Ivan couldn't think about nothing else staring at that boy in the doorframe and it scared him a little. He couldn't breathe for a long, fatal moment and when he found himself out of air, he lowered his gaze for a while. "I didn't want to bother you…" Ludwig added trying to justify himself. Alfred smiled sweetly but he didn't have the time to answer.

"It's not a bother" The Russian behind him said standing up and coming closer slowly. "It's a pleasure to see you again, at the end." Ludwig found the courage to look up at the Russian man. "I'm sorry but I don't…"

"Ivan Braginski…" The man said smiling and holding out his right hand, Ludwig blushed deeply but he did the same thing. "Ludwig… Ludwig Beilschmidt, sir."

"You're very politely but Ivan will be enough…"

Alfred froze and looked at Francis that looked back at him confused. "The last time I've seen you, you were only a little child but you've grown up very well."

"Thanks, sir… ehm, Ivan."

Ivan smiled and Alfred could see the dark light in his eyes very well. "Adorable…" The Russian commented passing a hand between the young German's gold locks. Ludwig stiffened but that touch ended quickly. Alfred rested a hand on the teenager's shoulder pulling him against his chest protectively. Francis and Ivan didn't fail to notice it and the Russian decided that it was very funny but he said nothing, he only smiled. "When will you come back to Moscow, Ivan?" Alfred asked firmly again. Ivan smiled to him sarcastically and then he focused on that perfect German boy between them. "I will stay a little longer…" He said vaguely coming out of the office. Ludwig said nothing but he couldn't help but follow that strange man with his gaze.

"A little longer…" Ivan smiled diabolically.


	2. Someone To Listen

**_[Someone To Listen] _**

_xx May 1945 _

_Dear diary._

_The awesome me is very happy today! Ludwig has smiled to me for the first time and I've almost begun to cry because of the joy. He is only two weeks old but he looks like a five or six months old baby, so I decided to give him my same birthday like a I did the first time. If I typed on his little mouth with my index gently he began to smile happily and he does it just with me, I'm so awesome! I can't say how much I love him, I would die for him and I don't care if it will happen one day. The only thing I ask for is not to miss a thing of his young life until I'm still here…_

"Ludwig?"

The young German closed the diary automatically staring up at the man in the doorframe. "It's very late", Francis said and Ludwig nodded lowering his gaze. "I'm sorry…" he murmured standing up and taking the diary to place him on the bookcase with the others. Francis sighed deeply shaking his head slowly, "you know very well that we don't want to see you read those things."

Ludwig stared at the collection of diaries for a while, "it's the only way I have to know my brother a little more", he tried to justify himself. "His memories are all I've of him." Francis stepped inside the room grabbing the boy's arm, "you can know what you need to know just asking to us" he replied pushing the boy out of Gilbert's old study. Ludwig closed his eyes trying to restrain himself, "nobody answers to me when I ask about Gilbert's life. I've never wanted to know about my other brother but Gilbert wasn't a monster why I can't read his diaries?"

Francis gave him a cold gaze. "Go to bed…"

"Were you listening to me?"

"Go to bed!" Francis repeated firmly. Ludwig opened his mouth to reply but he only bit his lower lip closing his fists, "yes, sir…" he murmured turning around. Ludwig didn't know when Francis had begun to hate him, he didn't even know the reason. He had always been a good child, he had always tried to not bother his guardians, he had always tried to make them proud of him and he had always failed. When he was younger, Francis used to be gentler with him but Ludwig was sure that he did it to make Arthur happy not because he cared about the little German. Sometimes, Ludwig felt like Francis wanted to ignore him on purpose because he was only a burden and not a part of his family like Alfred and Arthur and he hated himself for that. Arthur had always been the one that had tried to be a sort of brother or parent for him, he used to be so sweet with him until two or three years ago but sometimes he looked down at him like he had turned into a sort of monster and Ludwig could feel it very well and it hurt a lot.

Ludwig had always looked younger than he really was and it bothered him so, one day, he had tried to comb his hair back using Francis' gel to look older. When they had seen him it's been a real tragedy, Arthur had slapped him shouting to not do that anymore and Francis had given him another slap because he had made his lover cry. Ludwig didn't understand, he tried to ask but nobody answered to him. He had never got an answer in his life.

"Ludwig?"

He sighed deeply when he turned around: he probably had done something else and he needed to be scolded. He felt better when he saw Alfred, not Francis or Arthur. "Al… Alfred?" He asked surprised, the American smiled brightly. He was the only person that could smile to him sincerely. "Where are you going, Lud?" He asked. "Bed…" Ludwig muttered and Alfred widened his eyes. "Bed? But it's Saturday, kid!" he exclaimed placing a hand on the teenager's shoulder and Ludwig blinked two times. "It's an ordinary day", he said and Alfred laughed. "What are you saying kid? You're fifteen, you need to go out and have fun… a lot of fun!" The older blond exclaimed cheerful. Ludwig smiled: he liked Alfred, he was always gentle with him even if he was a little too noisy sometimes, "I don't like to have fun, to be honest."

It wasn't true, he just didn't know how it was. "It can't be possible! Do you want to come with me?" Alfred replied. Ludwig lowered his gaze sadly, "I'm sorry but I can't go out. Good night, Alfred."

"Wait, Ludwig?" Alfred grabbed his wrist gently and the younger one stopped to walk and looked up at him, they didn't move for a while. "Well…" Alfred blushed a little, "it's not funny to be alone during Saturday's night. Do you want to… watch a movie with me or something else?" He tried. Ludwig forced another smile and Alfred couldn't help but to stare at those soft lips and at those sad, gorgeous blue eyes. When did it happen? Alfred had been with Ludwig for his entire life, he had always loved to be a sort of older brother for him, someone that could help when Arthur and Francis was particularly nervous about the life's problems like every normal parent. The American hadn't seen it come. That sinful unbelievable desire…

"I'm sorry, Alfred, but I'm very tired right now…"

"Eh?" The American blinked two times. "The movie…" Ludwig muttered tilting his head a little. "Oh, yes! Yes!" Alfred exclaimed forcing out a laughter, "Well… Good night, Ludwig."

"Good night, Alfred", Ludwig was going to turn around when Alfred pulled him against his chest placing his lips on his forehead sweetly. Alfred buried his nose between the German's blond locks inhaling deeply._ He smells like heaven_. "Al? Alfred?" The American looked down meeting two confused blue eyes and he forced a smile, "I wanted to give you a good-night kiss like when you were younger."

"Than-Thank you…" Ludwig bubbled blushing a little. Alfred tried to reply but the young German passed him quickly stepping inside his bedroom, he didn't move for a while. He imagined himself follow Ludwig inside his bedroom, inside his bed. Alfred imaged Ludwig body under his ready to give his innocence to him calling his name_. Alfred… Alfred…_The young man almost moaned and then he slapped a hand over his face to wake him up. He walked towards the bathroom feeling something between his legs, "I need a very cold shower."

Ludwig didn't turn the light on, he only came closer to the window looking down at the city. Berlin, his Berlin. Arthur had explained to him that a capital was like a heart for a nation and Ludwig had never really seen it, he had never walked between his people to feel that land like his home. He had never felt really free in his city and his home looked more like a cage for him. But it was his place in the world, the only place he knew and Arthur, Francis and Alfred were the only family he had. Francis and Arthur had probably stopped to love him during the years. After all, they have been forced to take care of him. His real family had abandoned him after Gilbert's death and Arthur, Francis and Alfred had never leave him alone. Ludwig didn't understand the reason, he really didn't but he liked to think that it was because somewhere, inside them, they still cared about him. This thought was enough to make him bear that cage.

Ludwig looked up at the starry sky, "Are you looking over me, right, Gilbert?"

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><p>Ivan Braginski was a very directed man, because of his lonely life he had never used to ask help to the others. It was part of his cold nature. But Ivan Braginski was a very strategic person and he had learnt to use people when he needed them. "Did you have a good trip?" The Russian asked politely without even standing up from his comfortable chair. His guest didn't answer, the blue-violet eyes were staring down at the carpet. "What do you want from me?" Roderich Eldestein asked coldly, it was very funny for the communist. "I saw Ludwig yesterday…" He said casually and he leered when Roderich lifted his eyes on him so suddenly: he had the Austrian's total attention, now. "He is a strong and health teenager after only fifteen years. It is amazing for one of us", Ivan commented waiting for his guest's reply. "Arthur and Francis have informed me about that" The Russian lifted his eyebrows confused. "Aren't you his formal older brother?" He asked. Roderich didn't change expression, "I am, but I'm not the one that has the duty to take care of him."<p>

"Oh, I know that very well, Roderich. Arthur has done a very good job with the last piece of _your _family, Ludwig is a real gentleman but he doesn't look so happy, do you know?"

Roderich didn't answer. "He's beautiful", Ivan said and he pronounced the last word very slowly to make the Austrian understand that it wasn't a simple comment, "he is so innocent, he looks like the personification of the perfection."

Ivan didn't want to hide his desire, he wanted to make Roderich see his real aim. It was important for his game. The Austrian widened his eyes in disbelief and Ivan couldn't help but smile widely again, "he is still the creature that has betrayed you and destroyed your house…" Roderich muttered confused, "he just doesn't remember it."

"Well… I've destroyed him, too. And if the result is that adorable thing, I'm very proud of myself."

Roderich couldn't understand, "he is the same person, he is only younger, you've been his ally, his enemy. You know Ludwig Beilschmidt! Why did you call me just to talk about him?"

"Because I knew… the monster", Ivan replied standing up quickly and turning around towards the great window behind him. "Ludwig has always been a soldier for me, the new Empire that could destroy me during the previous century, the young Empire that has destroyed my army during the Great War, the monster that has begun and ended the Second War with me. I saw Germany, only Germany. I've never seen Ludwig."

"Are you babbling?" Roderich asked furiously. "We're nations! Ludwig and Germany are the same thing."

Ivan laughed shaking his head slowly. "Germany was a great, splendid machine-war. Yesterday I saw Germany, yes, but I saw a beautiful, innocent child and something has attracted me to him immediately."

Roderich opened his mouth and widened his eyes understanding what the Russian was trying to reach, "Are you joking?"

Ivan turned around to look at his guest. "I've never joked in my life, my old friend."

"He doesn't have power! You'll get nothing taking him with you!"

"Can't you see, right?" Ivan asked coming closer. "Desire, revenge… you're just a loser coward like Gilbert used to say. You didn't even have the courage to take care of a child! And Gilbert knew it very well because he has asked to Arthur to take care of his brother not to you."

"Don't you dare to talk about Gilbert!"

"Why?" Ivan asked diabolically. "Because he hated the Nazis while Ludwig was the dark king and you were his loyal dog?"

"Stop it, Ivan!"

"You can't go on knowing that Gilbert is dead because of a crime he had never committed while Ludwig has a new life and you're still free and alive."

"Shut up!"

"You didn't want his child because you hated Ludwig, like you hate yourself. You didn't want to force yourself to love your sins' incarnation, right?"

Roderich closed his fists lowering his gaze again, Ivan waited patiently, "I can free you from your little sin, Roderich, I can take the revenge you don't have the courage to take."

Roderich closed his eyes taking a deep breath. "What do you chose?" The Russian added. The Austrian bit his lower lip and then he lifted his eyes to meet Ivan's ones, "what have I to do?"

* * *

><p>"It's out of discussion!" Arthur shouted and Francis took his hand to calm him down. "Mon amour, please…" The French man began but the green-eyed nation interrupted him immediately. "No, no and no! Ludwig won't go anywhere!" Alfred nodded from the doorframe, "I'm not going to allow it, as well."<p>

The Austrian didn't change his expression, "you can't stop him."

"We're three against one, Rod", Francis replied and Arthur smiled to him sweetly. "There isn't a good reason for that, Ivan has always ignored Ludwig and we're very happy about it, to be honest. So I don't like this sudden wish to know him better right now. Do you understand?"

Roderich moved on his chair uncomfortable trying to pass the obstacle, "Ivan is claiming Ludwig's company and I don't think we can't stop him. This city is his territory too. Ludwig is his propriety in a way or another like he is yours."

"Ludwig is not a propriety for us!" Alfred replied violently. Roderich looked at the younger nation, "you're not the one that has taken care of him, aren't you Alfred?"

"We've taken care of Ludwig together, Rod", Francis interfered immediately. "Alfred is young, he didn't play the father's role so well but he's been a good older brother for Ludwig and he cares about him. Arthur has practically taken Gilbert's place... I'm so stupid, you will never understand."

The Austrian lifted his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"Ludwig is with us since Gilbert's death", Arthur added, "it's almost fourteen years. He sees us like his family, he had never left this house and he knows nothing about the world. He doesn't know how is to be a nation, he isn't able to deal with Ivan as Germany!"

"But Ivan doesn't want to deal with Germany. He only wants to know Ludwig, the real Ludwig."

"Roderich, you're his formal brother…" Alfred murmured confused. "And you know what Ivan is able to do! Why are you insisting? You're talking about sale Ludwig to a monster!"

Roderich laughed briefly. "You're a little excessive, Alfred. Ivan wants only a week to spend with one of his territory's personification. He isn't planning to take him away."

"Do you remember what's happened the last time that Ivan and Ludwig has been together?" Francis asked suddenly, Alfred and Arthur looked at him deadly serious. "Francis…" Alfred muttered. "We've to think about that, too", Francis said, "we've to think about Ludwig's young age and Ivan's ability of using other people's mind. He sees us like his family, sure, but we don't know how much he is stable. We've always taken him under a glass-bell, we can't risk him to be influenced by Ivan Braginski."

Arthur nodded agreeing silently and Alfred had to accept it, too. "And can you risk the Europe itself?" Roderich asked deadly serious. "Ivan is not going to be gentle from now on and you know that very well. He has the power to start another war but the Europe won't survive to it, Ludwig won't survive to it!"

"Stop it!" Arthur stood up quickly. "Ivan Braginski is nobody to claim that child! And you're nobody to force us!"

"I'm his formal brother, Arthur…"

"You're only a bastard that has abandoned Gilbert and Ludwig when they needed you!" The Britain replied and Francis moved behind him to place his hands on his lover's shoulders. "Arthur, calm down, please."

"No!" The green-eyed man shouted. "Ludwig will be helpless against Ivan, if he will hurt him we'll never know or we'll know it when it'll be too late to save him!"

"Arthur…" Roderich left his seat coming closer. "If we don't give this week to Ivan, he will start a war! He has been very clear with me!" Francis bit his lower lip trying to make his lover sit but Alfred didn't help. "He can try to touch Ludwig or the Europe and will give him a very explosive present!" He shouted and the French man turned towards him, "don't joke about it, Al."

"I'm not joking! If he tries to touch Ludwig I'll kill him! I will!"

"Who does want to touch me?"

Everyone froze when Ludwig's voice interrupted their conversation: the young German was in the doorframe and he looked surprised when he saw the Austrian next to his guardians. "Roderich…" he muttered with a smile full of hope, "so you've received my letters!" The Austrian lowered his gaze to not watch the boy's face and it hurt Ludwig making him confuse, "Roderich?"

"Bastard…" Alfred muttered coming closer to the younger blond, "Lud, we can wait in the kitchen while the old ones talk a little longer!" Ludwig stared up at him but he ignored his words completely coming closer to the Austrian, he forced a smile, "It's a pleasure to see you after so much time", he said holding out his right hand like a real gentleman. Roderich stared down at it but he didn't move a fingers, "Would you like to stay in another house for a while, Ludwig?" He asked suddenly. Arthur widened his eyes and Francis went past him to be closer to the young boy, "don't you dare to talk to him about that foolishness!" The older blond rested both his hands on the boy's shoulders but Ludwig couldn't take his eyes off Roderich's face. "Another house?" He repeated, a smile bloomed on his lips, "Vienna, your house?"

Francis closed his eyes sadly and Arthur bit his lower lip giving to the Austrian a hatful gaze. "No…" Roderich answered coldly, "Ivan Braginski's house."

Ludwig's smile died suddenly and a wave of confusion went across his mind, "Ivan?"

"Good…" Roderich smiled sarcastically, "you already call him by his name."

"I…" Ludwig shook his head looking up at Francis. The French man forced a smile, "Ivan wants to have you in his house for an entire week", he explained, "but we don't want to force you, absolutely!" Roderich snorted, "well, Ludwig, you can always stay at home and look while another war start right inside your heart!"

"What?" Ludwig asked in panic staring at his formal brother again. "But I've done nothing against the Soviet Union!"

"If you refuse his proposal, he will get very angry…"

"Stop to try to force him!" Francis shouted moving between Ludwig and Roderich. "He is only a child, he don't know what's better to do!" Ludwig felt and irrational wave of rage inside him: he was tired to be treated like a brat! He had never been listened to anyone only because he was the younger nation in Europe, he had no power because of his brother's mistakes and he had no family because his only relative didn't even want to watch him. And none had done nothing for that! Everyone had looked at him while he suffered silently because of his loneliness. If he was able to bear it without help, he didn't want to be considered a child anymore! "Stop to treat me like a baby!" He shouted without thinking about it and the silence fell in the room suddenly. They were staring at him with wide open eyes full of surprise and Ludwig found himself trembling and he took a step back lowering his gaze, "I… I'm sorry… I'm…" He wanted to cry but he didn't want to do it in front of everyone. "Do you see?" Roderich asked suddenly, "he is old enough to take his decision."

"Shut the hell up you fucking Nazi!" Alfred burst out and both Francis and Arthur turned around to watch him. "Don't make that face, you two! We'll know what this bastard has done during the war, he didn't move a finger to stop what was happening, he didn't move a finger when we've said to him that Ludwig asked about him, he didn't even move a finger to write him back! He is only a coward and a bastard! You didn't want Ludwig… well, Ludwig doesn't deserve a family like you!"

"Shut up!" The boy shouted suddenly and Alfred stopped with his accusations immediately, "Please, Alfred, don't say such bad things…" He begged weakly covering his hears with both his hands, two tears rolled down his cheeks, "please…"

Arthur moved closer and wrapped his arm around the boy's shoulder, "I think it's enough for today", he said to the Austrian. Roderich shook his head looking at the trembling boy in front of him, "Gilbert would be ashamed of a younger brother like you, Ludwig", he said and the boy froze hiding his face against Arthur's shoulder, "you've turned him into a weak German" he added and Francis grabbed him by his jacket's collar. "Out of this house, now!"

* * *

><p>"It isn't true…" Francis murmured but Ludwig didn't look like he was going to pull his face up from the pillow. "Gilbert would have never been ashamed of you, never! Believe me, Ludwig!" The boy only tighten his grip on the pillow and Arthur sat on the bed's edge beginning to caress his hair. "Ludwig…" the Brit tried, "stop to think about his words."<p>

"I'm… I'm weak…" The boy sobbed and Arthur shook his head forcing a smile, "No, you're not."

"Then why do you treat me like this?" The boy said looking up at the two adults, "if I'm not weak why do you treat me like an infant? I'm not a baby anymore! Stop to keep me inside this cage, I want to see what there is outside!"

Francis frowned. "What are you talking about? We have given you everything, you know?"

Ludwig gave him a cold gaze, "this is my brother's house, not yours! He has given it to me, not you!"

"You brat…!"

"Francis!" Arthur gave him a gaze, "Ludwig is tired. Let's leave him alone, okay?" The Brit looked down at the young German another time and he bent down to place a sweet kiss against his cheek but Ludwig didn't react. "Good night, Ludwig", he whispered pulling the sheets up to cover the German's curled body. Francis growled something following his lover outside of the room and Ludwig waited in the dark. He waited for the only person inside that house that bothered himself to listen to his words. He felt someone open the door and close it, steps and then the intruder moved inside his bed slowly, "are you awake, right?" Alfred asked. The young German nodded. "Were you waiting for me?"

"Ja…"

"Really? It makes me happy!"  
>Ludwig felt an arm around his waist and he relaxed completely against the strong chest behind him, "I feel safe when you're with me…" he murmured, "I don't feel wrong anymore."<p>

Alfred placed a hand on his head, "because you're not wrong, little one."

"Don't call me little one!" Ludwig growled turning around to face the American. Alfred laughed, "But you're a little one!"

"You're not so much older than me physically!" Ludwig replied annoyed and Alfred stopped to laugh to give him a gentle smile, "you're right. You're so much more mature than me."

"Arthur says it, too."

"Se-Seriously?" Alfred growled forcing a smile. Ludwig laughed softly staring at his expression and Alfred watched him in complete awe, he couldn't see himself but he was sure he was looking like an idiot right now! "You're blooming so well, Ludwig…" He murmured tracing the boy's features with his index, "The person that will conquer your heart will be very lucky."

Ludwig stopped to laugh turning serious immediately, Alfred frowned, "you're fifteen, it's the right age to begin to think about love…" The young German lowered his gaze blushing a little, "I've never thought about it until now, I… I don't feel the need to fall in love with someone, I don't think it is a necessary thing for me."

"Oh, you're so strict sometimes!" Alfred sighed deeply. "When I was fifteen I… no, I didn't think about love just like you. I was too busy to think about my independence, my future, my new life."

_Independence_, Ludwig froze hearing that word, he preferred _freedom _to describe his secret desire, "I see…" he muttered, "do you know? Sometimes I think like I'm going to turn crazy if I don't go out of this house, I feel like I'm suffocating between these walls and I'm beginning to hate it very much. I know there is an entire world outside and I want to feel that world mine, I need to feel it mine. Alfred stiffened a little and Ludwig didn't fail to notice it, he looked up at the older blond that was opening his mouth trying to say something. Ludwig lowered his gaze, "I'm sorry…" he murmured, "this is not a thing I'm allowed to think, right?"

Alfred sat up trying to find a gentle thing to say. "No, it's just… the world is so big and strange and there are others nations here and there so it's not good to think about it like yours, do you understand?" Ludwig frowned, "I didn't mean it literally, Alfred."

"Oh, sure!" The American exclaimed smiling a little too brightly, "But try to not say something like that in front of Francis and Arthur, please."

Ludwig could feel the alarm in Alfred's voice and he didn't understand the reason, he had said nothing wrong, damn! "Ja…" He nodded weakly while Alfred got up and walked toward the door. "Good night, Lud!"

Ludwig didn't answer: nobody was going to listen to him, after all.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N. <strong>I know, Ludwig looks like a poor little thing in this chapter but I needed to write something about his personal sadness before Ivan makes his move. Roderich... well, you probably hate him right now (and his fans are probably hating ME) but everything will be clearer later. Spoiler! In the next chapter Ivan will reach his goal (or better... the first part of his goal). Leave me a little gift under there and you'll get a month of "Ludwig at Ivan's house" instead of a week... I feel like none care about it...


	3. Injured Hand

**_[Injured Hand]_**

**__**

Softness.

Warmth.

Innocence. The first thing that had made Ivan lose his mind completely when he had met those gorgeous blue eyes, the innocence. It was a rare thing, a precious treasure and the Russian knew it better than anyone else, because he was the perfect contrary. He closed his violet eyes feeling those little fingers between his hair, those trembling lips against his mouth and that young body against his own was warmer than the water that was falling over him.

* * *

><p>Alfred closed the shower's curtain behind him with a sigh: he needed to have his private time and inside that house was a very hard thing to get. Arthur was always loud and paranoid while Francis would have done everything to not leave Ludwig and his precious hero-boy alone! Alfred was beginning to think that his French <em>parent <em>was suspecting something... He was doing nothing to hide his feelings towards Ludwig.

Somewhere, inside him, he hoped to make everyone see how much he loved the young German because he would never be able to confess it. Yes, he was America. Yes, he was a hero but those blue eyes were able to intimidate him so easily. He turned the hot water tap closing his eyes when he felt the warmth surround him. He snorted when he looked down finding his half-hard manhood between his legs, "If you only knew what you're doing to me, Ludwig…"

"What am I doing to you?"

A gentle voice asked. Alfred froze feeling the curtain behind him move silently as another person moved next to him. Two little hands touched his back timidly followed by two warm lips, Alfred almost moaned. "What am I doing to you, Al?"

* * *

><p>"Ludwig…" Ivan murmured looking down at the piece of art in his arms. The boy's face was red because of the embarrassment. Ivan smiled taking the younger one's face in his hands, "you're beautiful," he murmured bending down to kiss those desired lips, "so beautiful, my precious sunflower."<p>

Ludwig didn't answer kissing him back shyly wrapping his arms around the Russian's man, Ivan held him closer against him travelling his fingers over that untouched skin. Untouched, until now, he corrected himself leering against the young German's lips.

Ludwig was clinging to him desperately trying to press his body against the older one's tighter, tighter and tighter. Ivan wanted to hear that trembling voice call his name, scream his name, begging to have more, more and more. Endless, Ivan wanted it to be endless.

* * *

><p>Alfred pressed his lips to Ludwig's forehead inhaling deeply to memorize his smell even if he had known it for years. "Why are you here?" He asked with a hopeful smile while Ludwig rested his hands on his chest. "I couldn't wait anymore…" Ludwig murmured lowering his gaze to hide his face but Alfred grabbed his chin to lift it again. Those blue eyes were enough to make him come, "why didn't you tell me?" the American asked. "You know me…" Ludwig muttered trying to justify himself, "you say nothing to me, too."<p>

"Yes, you're right…" Alfred had to be fool: he was in the shower with Ludwig in front of him in all his naked glory and he was making conversation. He decided to not restrain himself anymore, he rested a hand on Ludwig's neck pulling him against his lips, he almost devoured that mouth passing his fingers between Ludwig's blond locks. Ludwig answered with the same passion trying to wrap a leg around the American's waist. Alfred co-operated grabbing his waist with both the hands and pushing him against the cold wall. Ludwig arched his back moaning softly making their hips meet. "Oh Ludwig… Ludwig…"

* * *

><p>"Ludwig…" Ivan whispered sensually kissing the boy's right temple. The Russian's arm was wrapped around the teenager waist, the other hand was between their bodies pumping slowly their erection together. Ludwig was hiding his face against his shoulder, too shy to let someone else look his red face. Ivan smiled satisfied, the younger one was biting his lower lip to not moan, "I want to hear your voice, sunflower."<p>

Ludwig almost sobbed instead of moaning. "Da, go on, you're perfect…" Ivan muttered placing his lips between the boy's blond hair moving his hand faster hearing Ludwig's fragmented voice. "Perfection… Innocence…" Ivan murmured grabbing Ludwig's chin to kiss his mouth hungrily, "where is that monstrous black prince?"

Ludwig looked up at him confused and Ivan smiled diabolically, "Are you inside there Herr Nazism, right?" He said pushing the kid against the wall violently without letting his body go. "You've a perfect mask…" Ludwig was terrified and Ivan liked it very much. It turned him on crazily! "You've made me fall, too. But I can't forgive you so easily only because you're turned into this little adorable thing. You can understand me , right?" Ludwig opened his mouth to reply but he found the Russian's hands on his neck. "I wanted to fuck you properly, before. But I'll be happy with you dead thanks to me, in my arms and completely naked."

* * *

><p>"Alfred… Alfred!" Ludwig called wrapping his arms around the American's body, Alfred made their hips meet again, he didn't need to use his hands in that position, they could get all the friction they wanted just brushing their bodies against each other. Alfred closed his eyes growling wildly kissing and sucking every little spot of skin he could reach. "Oh Lud! Ludwig!"<p>

* * *

><p>"Ludwig…" Ivan moaned continuing to touch himself, "Ludwig…" He leered again feeling the German's little fists against his chest. "Lu-Ludwig…"<p>

* * *

><p>"Alfred!" Ludwig's voice was full of pleasure and Alfred was so proud of himself, he wanted to give everything to his secret love. Everything!<p>

"Ludwig!"

_"Alfred!"_

"Lud-Ludwig!"

"_Iv-Ivan…"_

* * *

><p>"Alfred? Alfred!"<p>

The American took a deep breath trying to recompose himself, he looked down: his hand was soaked with his sperm and he felt ashamed of himself for a while. "Alfred!" He growled cleaning his fingers under the shower's hot water, "I'm getting out, Arthur!" He said loudly enough to make the Brit leave him alone. "Shit…" He muttered stepping out of the shower and wrapping a white towel around his waist, he held his hands out right before his eyes: they were still warm. It was because of the water, of course, but he wanted to believe that it was thanks to Ludwig's warmth. He brought the right one to his nose but he smelled only his own scent. His stomach ached, his heart hurt and he had to bit his lower lip to calm himself down.

* * *

><p>Ivan found himself on his bed, inside his house in Berlin. He was on his back, his eyes were wide open while they stared up at the red curtains of his bed, his face and chest were soaked with sweat, he was breathing heavily so he pushed himself into a sitting position. Ivan passed a hand between his blond hair sighing deeply, he made a face because of a sticky feeling between his legs. He didn't know if he wanted to laugh or cry, "it's not possible!" He growled sliding a hand inside his pants, "God…!" The Russian got off of the bed pulling the dirty boxer down. Ivan didn't even remember his dream clearly but he was sure it was about a young beautiful naked German in his shower, but there was something else… and he didn't like it.<p>

He got dressed quickly: he had fallen asleep before dinner and he was starving but when he went downstairs and stepped inside the kitchen, Ivan suddenly felt like he was going to vomit so he just let himself fall on a chair next to the table. Toris found him few minutes later and he didn't have to look very fine because the brunet stared at him for a while, "Ivan?"

Ivan continued to stare at wooden surface of the table absently, "I had a bad dream…" He muttered without shame. Everyone in his house were accustomed to his nightmares, Ivan had always had them. Sometimes he woke up screaming, sometimes he found himself frozen in his own bed. It was part of Ivan Braginski's life. "I'm sorry…" Toris murmured lowering his gaze. He wasn't sincere and Ivan knew it very well, but he was too nauseated because of the images of his dream to complain. "Do you want to eat something?" The Russian shook his head slowly, "I'm not hungry…"

He stared down at his hands: he could still feel that fragile neck under his fingertips, he could still feel those hands fight against his chest desperately. He could still see those blue eyes beg him to stop, to make him live… Ivan growled something standing up so quickly that the chair fall on the pavement. Toris turned around to understand what was wrong with his master. "I'm not hungry…" Ivan repeated looking at al Baltic nation, "But there is a thing you can do for me."

* * *

><p>Someone knocked on the door and Alfred snorted. "Arthur, I heard you earlier! Leave me alone!"<p>

"I'm sorry, Alfred. I don't want to bother you, but I need to come inside."

Alfred widened his eyes, "Ah… I… Sure, Ludwig! Give me a second!" He threw the towel on the pavement wearing his boxer quickly almost tripping on the ground himself, "shit!" He muttered opening the locked door. Ludwig gave him a brief smile, "Hi… I didn't see you come back."

Alfred forced a smile, "I've run under the shower, I smelled bad like a wild animal and I didn't want to hear our _parents _complain about it!" Ludwig nodded absently stepping inside the room and walking closer to the sink holding his right hand with the other one, Alfred didn't fail to notice it. "Are you fine, little one?" He asked worried. Ludwig gave him a glare, "I'm not little."

Alfred laughed, "what are you looking for?"

"Disinfectant…" Ludwig answered kneeling down to open the lower dispense. Alfred frowned kneeling next to the younger boy, "make me see."

Ludwig didn't complain holding out his injured hand, Alfred take it in his bigger ones staring down at the vertical cut on the palm. "Does it hurt?"

Ludwig gave him a gentle smile. "Just a little… I was helping Francis with the dinner but I was making a mistake, he has tried to stop him but I make the knife fall."

Alfred expression darkened a little. "Sit on the toilet, I will think about everything."

"You don't have to bother yourself."

"It's not a problem for me…" Alfred answered quickly looking firmly at the younger boy who stopped to smile and obeyed quickly. The American took the disinfectant and the bandages and then he sat on the tub's edge, "give me your hand!"

Ludwig obeyed blushing a little, Alfred held the wounded part delicately and then he turned around to grab a clean towel on the other side of the tub. Ludwig widened his eyes, "Al, it's white! The blond-stain will…"

"Shush, little one," Alfred interrupted him gently wetting the towel with the disinfectant. "We could use the cotton…" Ludwig replied shyly. "Nah!" Alfred exclaimed cheerful cleaning the vertical cut, "the cotton makes a mess with the blood… does it burn?" Ludwig shook his head and Alfred smiled proudly unrolling the bandages. They didn't hear Francis' footsteps getting closer and they didn't notice him when the blond man stopped right before the bathroom's door. "You've two beautiful hands, Ludwig," Alfred commented and the young German laughed briefly, "Isn't it a girly thing?"

"Not necessary," Alfred replied continuing to smile. "You did never hold a gun or a sword, you've used them only to play the piano in the living room or your brother's flute," Ludwig failed to see the adoration in Alfred's features and eyes, he misunderstood everything pulling back his hand quickly, "Thank you, I've to go…" He was going to stand up but Alfred blocked him, "wait!"

Ludwig didn't free himself but he lowered his eyes blushing a little because of the shame, "I know, it's a useless thing but it's the only thing I'm able to do."

"What do you mean?"

"Play…" Ludwig muttered and Alfred widened his eyes. "No!" He exclaimed. "No… I didn't want to say that!" He took the German's hand again. "You're like a treasure, Ludwig. These hands are like a treasure! They have never know a weapon, they have never be stained with blood. Take care of them, they are very precious," Alfred smiled sweetly taking the injured hand to his lips kissing the palm gently. Ludwig blushed deeply, "Al-Alfred?" The American lifted his head, their face were very close, their nose could almost touch each other. Ludwig was frozen on his seat, Alfred leaned out a little… just a little…

"Ludwig!" Francis shouted suddenly. The two boys turned around quickly and the German saw the anger in the French man's eyes. He stood up quickly without looking at Alfred again, "I'm sorry…" he muttered coming closer to the adult, "we were talking, I didn't mean to make you wait…"

"There is someone for you in the living room," Francis said with a dark expression on his face, "be a good child and don't say stupid things!"

_Everything I say it's stupid or wrong for you_, Ludwig nodded sadly leaving the two older men alone. Alfred snorted throwing the blood-stained towel with his own on the pavement, "you're horrible with him, you know?" He asked coldly pulling up his trousers. Francis gave him a glare, "you're not the one that has been invaded and destroyed, Alfred."

"He doesn't need to pay anymore!" Alfred replied. "He doesn't remember anything, he is hurt by Roderich's cruelty, by your coldness. Arthur tries to love him, at least."

"Arthur has a motherly side and you know that better than me, right?"

Alfred shook his head buttoning up his shirt, "He feels wrong just because he is alive, it's not a good feeling."

"Maybe…" Francis answered absently, "but it the truth, after all. And I don't like to see that light in your eyes when you look at him," Alfred opened his mouth to say something but the older blond added quickly: "There is Ivan Braginski in our living room, anyway."

The American widened his eyes, "what?" 

* * *

><p>The first thing Ludwig heard was Arthur's voice: "you have sent Roderich a week ago! Wasn't our answer clear enough for you?" The Brit asked coldly. "I'm very sorry about Eldestein, Arthur…" Ludwig's heart skipped a beat recognizing that voice. "I've known he has made Ludwig cry and I didn't want it."<p>

The young German walked cautiously, he could see the scene in the living room better step by step. Arthur's back was turned towards him while Ivan Braginski was right before the fireplace smiling gently to his Brit guardian. There was a third person next to Ivan, a young brunet man but Ludwig didn't know him. "Arthur?" He called placing both his feet on the hall's pavement. The older blond turned around quickly giving him a forced smile and holding out his right hand, "come closer, boy, don't be afraid."

_I'm not afraid_, Ludwig moved slowly. He lifted his gaze to meet Ivan's one but when the Soviet nation smiled directly at him, Ludwig couldn't help but lower his eyes quickly. He stopped to walk only when he felt Arthur's hand on his shoulder. "Good evening," the boy said politely and Ivan liked it very much. "We're not two strangers, young one, you can look at me and call me by my name," Ivan said with a bit of sarcasm. Ludwig heard it very well and his answer came out quickly, "you're right, Ivan," followed by a proud, cold gaze. The Russian looked ecstatic for a while, "can we talk alone, dear Arthur?"

The Brit turned towards the young German who nodded slightly, "I can do it."

Arthur farced another smile, "do want something to drink, Toris?" The brunet stranger nodded following the other nation in kitchen leaving his master and the teenager alone. Ludwig didn't look so shy and helpless so suddenly and Ivan couldn't help but find it very interesting and funny. "You are beautiful even with that cold gaze on your face."

Ludwig blushed slightly but he didn't take his eyes off of Ivan's face, "Did you want to talk with me only to pay me a compliment like that."

Ivan laughed briefly, "you don't believe me, right?"

"I've never been worried about my aspect," Ludwig answered. "Sure! You've never been ugly!" Ivan exclaimed, "come closer, Ludwig," the German obeyed, he didn't have a good reason to not do. They looked at each other for a while, Ivan continued to smile, Ludwig continued to be deadly serious. "Why don't you want to stay in my house for a while?" Ivan asked gently. "I've never given my answer, to be honest," the German clarified and the older one nodded, "Like I thought," a pause, "they don't't allow you to leave them."

"And I haven't a good reason to leave my brother's house, Ivan."

The taller one nodded, "you're very smart, I like it."

Ludwig took a deep breath, "why do you want me in your house?"

"So directed!" Ivan exclaimed, "I'm your guardian like them, you know?"

"Yes but… you've never wanted to see me until now. Why?" Ludwig insisted, he couldn't understand it and the others didn't look calm about the Russian's intention, too. He was strange, he didn't look so terrible like his _parents _continued to repeat to him but… If they did, there had to be a good reason! Ivan didn't answer immediately, he stared at him again. Ludwig didn't know, but the Russian was memorizing every detail of his face from the exact shadow of his blue eyes to the curve of his lower lip. Ivan smiled: there was only perfection before his eyes. He lifted his hand touching the boy's cheek with his fingertips sweetly, Ludwig didn't react at first but then he couldn't restrain himself anymore and he took a step back. Ivan blinked two times but he decided to not complain forcing another gentle smile. "Because I'm very proud of what I've helped to create," he answered at the end, Ludwig widened his eyes in disbelief and Ivan didn't fail to notice it. He had touched the right spot. "Is it a good reason for you?"

"Proud?" Ludwig repeated a little confused, it was the first time that someone said it to him. "Of me? But… you don't even know me!"

"Exactly! So I want to have you in my house for a while. It will be easier for me to know you, to know Ludwig, I mean. I only know my part of Germany and I love it."

Ludwig stared at the pavement biting his lower lip: only a week ago the man who had supposed to be his only brother had insulted him, humiliate him… and now, this Russian man was talking to him like he really cared about him, about the real Ludwig. Not even Francis who was supposed to be like a father for him, cared so much about what Ludwig had to say. Yes! Ivan Braginski wanted to listen to him! "I don't know you, I don't know if I can trust you," Ludwig replied again and Ivan nodded, "it is a good thing to say, but your guardians know where I live, where you will be and a single word from you will be enough to make them take you back to your brother's home, believe me!"

"Roderich talked about a week…"

"A month."

"A month?"

"I'm a busy man I won't be able to stay with you every day and seven days are very short, da?"

"Ja! Ehm… Yes! But… but…!" _I've never been away from this house in my life, I barely got out of the principal door, I… I… _"I've to think about it." _I'm afraid!_

Ivan nodded, there was a new light in his eyes, "you're right, but when you'll give me an answer, give me _your _answer, okay?" Ludwig nodded absently holding out his right hand waiting for a handshake but Ivan didn't move: he was too busy to stare down at the bandages around the small palm. "Oh…" Ludwig whispered, "It's been a little domestic incident, I…" He retracted his hand quickly a little embarrassed but five string fingers blocked him. He gulped but he didn't complain staring up at Ivan's concentrated face, "Be careful…" The Russian said leering and taking the small hand to his lips, "those little fingers looked very fragile, yet."

He pressed his lips against Ludwig's skin and the young German held his breath. "But they…" Ivan continued kissing every single fingertips, "are incredibly perfect, my dear Ludwig."

Alfred had done the same thing only few minutes ago. Alfred, his only friend inside that house, inside his entire world, had kissed his hand saying the most adorable words someone could say and Ludwig had already forgotten it. Ivan Braginski was kissing his hand right now, there wasn't kindness in his touch, there wasn't sweetness in the atmosphere around them, there was something else, he couldn't understand what, but Ludwig was sure he would have been awoken the entire night to stare at his owns fingers rethinking about that scene.


	4. Rain

**_[Rain]_**

The evening was not going according to plan. The rain battered the taxi's window at his side as the tears rolled down Ludwig's cheeks silently. The driver hadn't looked at him since the start of that little trip and the teenager was relieved about it: he didn't want to be seen in that condition, he didn't want to give explanations. He only stared at the stormy sky outside trying to forget what had happened, his face still hurt because of Francis' slaps but he tried to ignore the pain, it wasn't the first time, after all. Ludwig placed his only bag on his legs wrapping an arm around it securely. He sighed deeply: Francis hadn't open it, he was so lucky about it!

"This is your stop, kid!" The driver said suddenly, Ludwig stayed still for a while and then he looked out of the window: they were in front of a giant dark grey gate and the big house behind it looked sinister, as well. He closed his fists tightly gripping the bag's material: he couldn't come back anymore. It had been his choice, he could only go on!

"Kid, I don't have all the day!" The driver said annoyed.

"I…" Ludwig lowered his gaze. "I can't pay you, sir."

"Your father has paid me before, kid! Get out, now!"

_Francis isn't my father!_Ludwig wanted to scream but that man didn't look so patient and he had been kicked out by someone that day, already. He opened the taxi's door thanking the driver who growled some nonsense leaving him on the sidewalk under the torrential rain. The young German hung the bag over his shoulder, he noticed that he wasn't even wearing a jacket and he didn't have an umbrella he sighed getting closer to the entry phone staring at the doorbell's button for a while until he found the courage to push it.

"Who is it?"

"Good evening, I'm Ludwig Beilschmidt. Sir Braginski is waiting for me!"

The person at a the other side didn't answer and the gate opened a second later with an electronic sound. Ludwig reclosed it as he stepped inside the garden: it looked bigger than the public park. Ludwig sighed again, he was only ten the last time he had seen the public park. "Herr Beilschmidt?" Ludwig almost jumped hearing that voice so near to him, he recognized immediately the brunet young man who was with Ivan the day of his last visit.

The guy had a black umbrella over his head and he looked at him with wide open eyes and a surprised expression on his face, Ludwig blushed lowering his gaze, "I'm sorry, I'm not so…"

"It's not a problem!" The brunet said quickly, "follow me or you'll catch a cold."

The young man grabbed his upper arm gently guiding him inside the big, sinister home. Ludwig closed his eyes sighing in relief as he stepped inside the hall, it was so much warmer inside! He placed his bag on the ground automatically wrapping his owns arms around his trembling body. "We were waiting for you tomorrow morning," the brunet man said confused closing the big door behind them. "I'm sorry…" Ludwig repeated again, "but it's been a problematic evening and…"

"Ludwig?"

The teenager looked up where Ivan had appeared at the end of the sumptuous staircase before his eyes. It was the first time that Ludwig didn't see the Russian in his official uniform, in fact he was wearing only a simple white shirt and a pair of dark trousers. Ludwig didn't know the reason but he thought that he looked really good like it. "What's happened to you?" Ivan asked walking down the stairs and coming closer to the boy, "you're soaked with rain!" He exclaimed passing a hand between the young German's blond locks. "Where is your jacket?"

"I don't have one…" Ludwig said lowering his gaze. Ivan stared at him surprised for a while and then he turned towards the brunet man. "Toris, make our guest see his bedroom and help him to get comfortable."

The brunet, Toris, nodded taking the boy's bag. "Oh, no! No!" Ludwig stopped him, "don't bother yourself!"

"It's his job, Ludwig," Ivan smiled gently resting a hand on the teenager's shoulder, "right, Toris?" The brunet nodded silently, "follow me, Herr…"

"Ludwig it's enough for me."

"He is fifteen years old, Toris, he's too young to be a Herr!" Ivan commented and Toris nodded lowering his gaze, "you're right, Ivan."

"Go, Ludwig. Take your time, you'll eat later, don't worry," Ivan never stopped to smile gently as he looked at him and Ludwig forced himself to do the same but it didn't feel so natural. He wasn't a very smiling or cheerful person but he could understand when someone smiled to him sincerely or not. Ivan's smile was perennially on his face but there was something strange in the curve of his lips, something that Ludwig couldn't understand but that made him feel cold. "We'll talk later…" Ivan added looking at blond while he walked up the stairs behind Toris. "This is like your home, now."

But Ludwig wasn't sure to be happy about it.

* * *

><p>"Are you sure it is my room?" Ludwig asked for the second time and Toris couldn't help but smile, "this is a very big house, the bedrooms are very spacious."<p>

_Only spacious?_His old room in his brother's house wasn't so little but that one was like the living room and the kitchen together. The big bed with red curtains was between two big windows, right in front of it there was the fireplace. "Choose the clothes, I fill the tub for you."

Ludwig looked up at him, "the tub?"

Toris tilted his head towards the door at the other side of the room, "the tub of your private bath."

"Oh…" Ludwig murmured not knowing what to say exactly, "I think you've a lot of work to do so…"

"This is my work, Ludwig," Toris replied firmly without stopping to smile. Ludwig opened his mouth but he decided to say nothing lowering his gaze on his bag. "But I will take care of my clothes, okay?" he asked but he sighed with frustration when he understood that he had asked the permission to touch his owns things, "sorry, I'm not accustomed to… _this_."

Toris nodded, "it's not a problem," he said disappearing inside the bathroom quickly. Ludwig stared at the big bed for a while feeling a sort of loss inside him but he shook his head resting the bag over the red blankets, he opened it carefully smiling briefly when he saw the two books he has stolen before dinner. That dinner that had never been eaten. Ludwig shook his head again picking up the first book, his brother's last diary, and then the second one, a photo-album where he had preserved all the pictures he had found of his family. He placed both of them on one of the nightstands right before the bed, he took his clothes out dividing the shirts and sweatshirts from the trousers. Ludwig turned towards the dark wooden wardrobe opening it absently but he froze when he looked inside, "but… but… Toris?"

The brunet appeared at the bathroom's door, "what is it?"

"The…" Ludwig stared at the clothes before his eyes, "they aren't mine."

"Yes, they are," Toris answered naturally and Ludwig widened his eyes, "but… They looked incredibly expansive!"

"They have been made by one of the best tailor of Russia," Toris explained, "Ivan will be very happy to see you wear them for dinner."

Ludwig blushed again staring at the refined shirts, jackets and trousers. "I can't accept, I'm sorry," he said firmly, "I have my clothes, I will wear them after the bath."

Toris try to say something but he decided to lower his gaze nodding slightly.

Ludwig closed his eyes and sighed deeply feeling the warm water surround him: it felt so good after that damned rain. He relaxed completely and began to feel the tiredness get the control of his body and mind. He needed to sleep but he have to eat before and Ivan was waiting for him to have dinner, he was the guest, he couldn't refuse an invitation the first evening in that house.

_"Take your time."_

"Yes, I need it."

_"Take your time with that bastard communist but don't bother yourself to come back!"_

Ludwig re-opened his eyes suddenly because of a sudden pain inside his chest, he took a deep breath trying to relax himself again.

_"When you'll found yourself humiliated, hurt and alone remember that is all your fault! That has been your free choice!"_

He moved into a sitting position hiding his face in both the hands. He took the sponge from the edge of the tub rubbing it against his shoulders, arms and chest but he couldn't clean what was making him feel so dirty.

_"You've the destruction inside you, Ludwig! You're able to destroy the world and yourself at the same time, it's in your blood, in your soul! Don't forget it! Don't forget it, Ludwig!"_

He threw the sponge against the wall in front of him growling and then he wrapped his arms around himself sobbing violently. _"You've the destruction inside you, Ludwig!" _He pressed both the hands against his ears, but it was futile against the voices inside his mind. "It's not true…" He sobbed violently, "it's not true!"

* * *

><p>Ivan was a little nervous but he couldn't understand the reason.<p>

Toris didn't fail to notice it but he continued to prepare the big table for the late dinner staring silently at his master's back who continued to stare at the dark sky out of the window. "Did he say something to you?" The Russian asked. Toris shook his head, "no, Ivan, he doesn't look like a talkative person and he is so shy," the Baltic nation commented and the other man nodded, "he is so innocent…" Ivan couldn't think about anything else but it, "years ago, before the two wars, before my revolution, before the hell, I didn't use to talk with him so much. He had turned into an Empire so quickly! He was so young… too young and Gilbert knew that very well. He dealt with the other nations before the Great War, it was his way to protect his precious child, so Ludwig could learn without being hurt. I think that I never really talked with Ludwig Beilschmidt, I know Germany, the stubborn soldier of the first war, the black monster of the second one but Ludwig…" Ivan made a pause. He closed his eyelids and a snow desert appeared before his mind's eyes, there were dead bodies everywhere but Ivan had got used to that picture centuries and centuries ago, during his abused childhood. That battlefield was only the background of his last memory about Ludwig Beilschmidt…

Someone knocked against the door, Ivan turned around giving a quick gaze to Toris who came closer to the door opening it, "come in…" the brunet muttered while a blond boy stepped inside the room looking for the house's master with his blue eyes. "Welcome, my dear Ludwig," Ivan said with a big smile and the young German lowered his eyes immediately, "I'm sorry but I didn't know where to go so I'm late."

Toris stiffened feeling Ivan's cold eyes on him for a second but the Russian forgot about the brunet quickly walking closer to his guest, "are you hungry, da?" He asked wrapping his right arm around the boy's shoulder: he had always been slightly taller than Germany but now, with Ludwig so near to him, he noticed how much he was… _little_. He couldn't be taller than Toris at first sight and that detail had the power to increase the teenager's fragility, not only a _physical_fragility. When Ivan touched Ludwig, he knew that he was touching the untouched. Ludwig knew nothing about the world, he was naïve, he was helpless in front of that big, cruel thing. Ivan squeezed the boy's shoulder involuntary because of a sudden shiver of pleasure. Ludwig didn't fail to notice the fingers' pressure on him, so he looked up confused, "Is it alright?"

Ivan blinked two times and then he smiled again, "sure, don't worry, Ludwig," he let go the boy's shoulder to pull back one of the table's chairs, "sit, please."

Ludwig nodded embarrassed trying to get comfortable quickly, Ivan helped him to adjust the chair and then the Russian took a seat on the other side of the table, right in front of him. "You look better, did you take a warm bath?" Ivan asked and Ludwig tried to lift his face, "Ja… ehm, yes."

Ivan stared at the boy's clothes for a while: he was wearing a simple dark blue sweatshirt. He looked so… _normal_, _ordinary_. It wasn't good for his rare treasure: Ivan usually didn't care about useless thing like that, but Ludwig was a special case. He was born beautiful but Ivan wanted to make him look unique. Ivan wanted to show that precious thing to everyone to make them turn envious and he wanted to do it like everything he had done, _greatly_.

"Don't you like your new clothes?" The Russian asked casually without stopping to smile. Ludwig stared up at him, at the end, "it's not that…" He muttered, "but I'm not used to wear refine things. Arthur has tried to make me change but he had failed with Alfred when he was younger and he has failed with me so…" A pause, something hurt and Ludwig had to hold his breath for a while. Ivan noticed it and frowned, "are you alright, Ludwig?"

"Ivan, I leave you two alone," Toris said suddenly, "dinner will be ready soon."

The Russian nodded absently and the brunet leaves the room silently, "what are you thinking about?"

Ludwig shook his head a little too quickly, "nothing…"

"Do you want to talk about what's happened to you?"

Ludwig's expression turned into a mask but he didn't lower his blue eyes, "I've forgotten my jacket and my umbrella, so I got soaked with rain."

Ivan sighed, "I don't use to be strict like your parents but please…"

"They aren't my parents," Ludwig replied coldly, "they have never been, they have never wanted to be."

_It's very interesting_, Ivan simulated a confused gaze, "Didn't Arthur and Francis take care of you since your brother's death? Didn't Alfred help them?"

Ludwig shrugged, "I used to believe in this story, too."

"Try to be clearer."

Ludwig shook his head, "it's not important, now."

"Ludwig…" Ivan sighed again, "you're very young for a human, just image for us! I need to…"

"Didn't you want me here?" Ludwig blue eyes looked like a lake during the Russian winter now. Ivan stared at them for while in complete awe, he was probably looking like an idiot but those firm eyes on that child's face were so gorgeous! So proud! It had already happened during their first real conversation in the young German's old house. The other side of that innocence's picture… Ivan smiled, _you're still inside there, somewhere.._.

"Da…" Ivan nodded, "da, I wanted you…" His smile became wider "… here."

"I'm here," Ludwig said like it was more than enough for the Russian and Ivan decided to accept it. He didn't have to be honest with Germany's guardians, he didn't need their trust or their opinion about his time with Ludwig. It was only for him and that young gorgeous German. "You're welcome in my house, Ludwig Beilschmidt."

* * *

><p><em>Cold, so much cold.<em>

"_What we're going to do with you?"_

_Fear, fear inside those blue eyes._

_"No… no…"_

_Trembling voice._

_"No, what?"_

_Sadistic smile._

_"He is here to be punished, he didn't want to fight against you!"_

_It was a childish justification._

_"Da, I know but he's here anyway."_

_The revenge tastes like blood for him._

_"I beg you, Ivan! Make to me what you want but don't touch him, please!"_

_The monsters can't have feelings._

_"You're so perfect in your pain, Ludwig."_

_It's dangerous turns into a human again…_

Ivan was out of air when he woke up. He took a deep breath trying to calm his crazy heartbeat, but he could barely move his body without trembling like a scared child after a nightmare. Oh God… he was a scared child after a nightmare and it didn't matter if he was an adult, the feeling inside him was always the same since his childhood. Terror, despair and that damned night that welcomed him into the real world again with its darkness and its silent. Ivan closed his violet eyes reminding to himself that everything was fine, that every war was over and that nothing was going to happen in Berlin!

He moved into a sitting position unbuttoning the firsts button of his shirt: he was sweating and he noticed it with a disgusted expression on his face. Outside of the big windows the sun was appearing slowly so he decided to take a bath and begin his day early. A hour later he was walking down the stairs quickly: he was hungry and he wanted to be the first to have breakfast so he could be alone a little longer during the rest of the morning. He looked all around him scared by the idea to meet his younger sister in a dark corridor or in an empty room but he reached the kitchen without problems. He was sure to be the only person awake in the entire house until he opened the door. Ivan was the first one to freeze, Ludwig took another entire minute to turn around and meet the Russian's violet eyes. "Oh…" He murmured with wide open eyes closing the fridge urgently, "…good morning."

Ivan blinked trying to recompose himself, "good morning."

The teenager had already got dressed, he was still wearing the dark blue sweatshirt, "you wake up early," the young German commented. Ivan shook his head, "I didn't sleep well."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Ludwig said politely. "Don't worry," Ivan gave him a sincere smile, "what are young going, anyway?"

Ludwig blushed slightly lowering his eyes immediately, "I was hungry so I began to walk around to find the kitchen, I know… I don't have to go around someone else's house without asking but…"

"Don't worry, it's okay," Ivan said gently sitting on the chair in front of him, the young German was on the other side of the table.

Ludwig smiled briefly, "what do you want?"

Ivan lifted his eyebrows, "what?"

"For breakfast," Ludwig added shyly, "you're everything inside this kitchen so I can prepare you everything, if you want."

Ivan opened his mouth, he closed it a second later an then he spoke, "you… you're the guest, you don't have to…"

Ludwig shrugged, "I used to make Francis and Arthur's breakfast so it doesn't bother me, consider it like a way to thank you."

"For what?"

"For your welcome…"

"But…" Ivan smiled sighing deeply, he wasn't going to win, he was sure about that. "Do you like cook?"

Ludwig shrugged again, "Francis teach me something but I'm not good like him. I think he had done that because of Arthur's food, I had to save the kitchen if Francis wasn't at home."

Ivan laughed briefly, "da, Arthur is very famous for his cooking."

"So, what do you want for breakfast?"

Ten minutes later, Ivan was drinking his coffee and Ludwig was holding a big cup of chocolate-milk between his hands. "It's a good coffee…" Ivan murmured placing the little cup on the wooden surface. "Thanks…" Ludwig muttered sipping his warm drink. "Do you like sweet foods, right?" Ivan asked and the young blond nodded, "ja, but Arthur and Francis didn't allow me to eat them so much."

"Why?" Ivan asked confused, "you're young and health, after all."

"They said it's a bad vice to have."

_They didn't allow you because they didn't want to take care of you like Gilbert did,_Ivan snorted relaxing his back against the chair, "you'll have all the cakes and chocolate you want inside this house."

"I don't need to be spoiled."

"But you look like someone that needs to be happy, Ludwig."

The young German widened his blue eyes in surprise and Ivan couldn't help but notice the sad light in those two pieces of sky. "Do I sound sad?" The teenager asked embarrassed. Ivan smiled gently, "sometimes you don't need to talk to be listened, da?"

The young German held his breath for a while: he had tried to make his guardians see how much he felt lonely. He had tried to talk about it. He had tried to expose himself, to open his heart to someone else and it had been very hard for a stubborn and shy person like him. He had tried and he had got nothing!

Ivan stood up walking around the table holding out his hand, "what do you want to do today?"

Ludwig stared at the Russian's hand confused, he shook his head slowly, "I… I don't know."

Ivan tilted his head, "nobody is going to tell you what to do in this house, you have to begin to be accustomed to that, my dear Ludwig."

Ludwig placed the cup of milk on the table, he lifted his hand reflecting about what to do, he was so focused on the Russian's fingers that he failed to see the diabolic smile on Ivan's face. _Come on, my black angel, sale your bright innocence to the devil again! Fall for me one more time! Make me see the last shine of your pure light while the darkness surrounds you! _

But Ludwig never touched his hand, he stood up proudly, "I've begun to think with my head when I stepped outside my brother's house during a rainy and cold evening. Thank you but I can walk without holding your hand, yet," he gave to the Russian one last intense gaze. Ivan stayed still, Ludwig probably didn't even know what he could do with those blue eyes, "thank you for your kindness again, I'm going to go in my room to read something. I will wait to know what you'll decide to do."

Ludwig went past him walking towards the door, he opened it and looked back at the Russian one more time, "I've begun to be accustomed to it."

Ivan saw him disappear behind the door, he looked down at his own hand. He closed his fingers in a fist and laughed and laughed. He bit his lower lip feeling something ache inside him, it was the feeling of a heart that didn't know how to beat because of a great emotion anymore. And a desire, an evil desire, could be the greatest emotion in the world when it turned into an obsession…

"Be free until you can, my beloved sunflower…"


	5. First Week

_**[First Week]**_

Ludwig had stolen a lot of pictures during his childhood, he used to hide them inside a shoebox under his bed and nobody had never found it because he had always cleaned his room with his owns hands. Francis and Arthur had looked for them all around: in Gilbert's room and study, inside his diaries, between his things but they had never found them again.

Those pictures were Ludwig's most precious thing, his secret treasure. Only when he had decided to accept Ivan's offer to live with him, Ludwig had put them inside a photo-album.

Ludwig rested his back against the red pillows holding that little book before his eyes, Gilbert's image smiled up at him cheerfully, he had to have a very lively personality because those smiles didn't look forced and Ludwig could almost see his eyes shine.

They were red, Ludwig knew it but he couldn't see their color. Arthur had said it to him when he was younger, when his guardians could still pretend to love him, it had been the only chance for Ludwig to hear something about his older brother.

"He loved you so _so_much!" Arthur had exclaimed smiling gently, "he was a good older brother, he always smiled for you even when he was sad. He had called you Ludwig because it was his first little brother's name, you didn't look like Gilbert so much but you have his nose and his mouth, I think… His eyes were red and his hair was very light, almost white. He was albino, do you know what it means? He and Francis used to be friends, Gilbert was a noisy and narcissist person, he acted like a child sometimes but he… I don't know, it was like something shone inside him! "

Ludwig was only eight that day but he remembered every word clearly. A weeks later he had asked to Arthur to take him to the cemetery to see his brother's grave. No one had explained the concept of the death to him, Ludwig had always known it. It was a creepy thing for a little child…

Someone knocked on the door. "Come in…" Ludwig answered absently, the door opened and a tall blond man appeared in the doorframe. "Do I bother you?" Ivan asked smiling, Ludwig didn't smile back shaking his head, "I'm doing nothing…" he murmured closing the album and resting it on the nightstand. Ivan stared at it for a while and then he moved his eyes to meet the young boy's ones, "I couldn't get back for lunch…"

"I know…" Ludwig said, "it's not a problem, you're an adult, you've your duties."

"I want to know if you want to do something with me."

"Sure…" Ludwig muttered, "but I'm not able to do so much things, to be honest."

Ivan laughed briefly, "well… I wanted to make you meet my family, if you want."

Ludwig nodded quickly standing up, "Ja, it is a great thing…" he didn't sound so sure about it but he was curious to see Ivan's family. He didn't even know that Ivan has a family! "Do you have brothers, too?" The young German asked following the Russian along the corridor.

"Nyet," the Russian answered wrapping an arm around the young boy's waist, Ludwig blushed but he was too shy to complain, "I have two sisters, an older one and a younger one! I'm the only man in this family," he laughed briefly again and Ludwig nodded.

"It sounds cute," he commented because it was too embarrassed to stay silent, but Ludwig regretted it when Ivan's smile faded away. The young German lowered his gaze blushing deeper, "I'm sorry…"

Ivan shook his head, "no problem, Ludwig. Yes, it's cute to have two sisters who loves you no matter what."

Ludwig didn't dare to lift his gaze again because there were only coldness and sarcasm in Ivan's voice right now and he didn't want to upset him again. Ivan pulled him gently inside a very spacious room, the music room, Ludwig thought staring at the black lucid grand piano at the other side of the room, next to a big window.

The boy opened his mouth in disbelief, he had never played a grand piano before in his life! A smiled bloomed on his lips and Ivan didn't fail to notice it. "Ludwig?" The boy jumped turning towards the house's master again, "I'm sorry, I was…"

"Da, that piano is a piece of art…"

Ludwig lifted his eyebrows but he didn't replied because Ivan suddenly took his hand in his bigger one making him hold his breath because of the surprise. "Ludwig, this is the Soviet Union!" Ivan said proudly. Ludwig stared at the people before his eyes shyly: he knew only Toris who was standing next to the fireplace with a blank smile on his face, a young man and a child were at his side.

"They are Eduard and Ravis, Toris' brothers…" Ivan said and Ludwig took a step to introduce him but the Russian blocked him immediately. "It's not necessary," the Russian said while the three Baltic nations lowered their faces.

Ludwig felt sorry for them, he turned towards the couch were three women were waiting for be introduced to the young German. The first one looked like the older and she was smiling at him sincerely, like a gentle mother, the second one make him stiffen for a while, she wasn't smiling at all, she looked like she wanted to kill him right here and now.

Ludwig had to lower his gaze to go on and look at the third woman, she was brunet and she didn't look like the previous two. She wasn't smiling or looking at him with a killer gaze like the second one, she was only staring up at him, her green eyes full of an emotion that he couldn't understand. "Ludwig, they are my sisters: Yekaterina, Katya for short, Ukraine, she is the older one…" The first woman stood up smiling sweetly down at him, "we meet you at the end, Vanya didn't stop to talk about you, you know?"

"Who is Vanya?" Ludwig asked automatically looking up at Ivan with a confused expression. Ivan froze, but he forced a smile immediately, "sister, please, don't in front of everyone!"

"Oh…" She muttered covering her mouth with her hand, "I'm so sorry, Ivan."

Ludwig didn't understand but he decided to not ask again because Ivan's expression looked a little upset so suddenly, "she is Natalya, Belarus…" The Russian muttered looking down at the second woman, the younger one who didn't stand up. "I'm his wife," she said referring to Ivan and Ludwig frowned. "Nyet! Nyet! Natalya is my younger sister, Ludwig, she is just… _kidding_," Ivan murmured taking a step back and pulling the young German with him.

"No, I'm not kidding, brother! We're going to get marry soon! Very _very_soon!"

"Da… Da…" Ivan muttered nervously while Yekaterina tried to make her little sister calm down, "and, at the end, this is Elizaveta, Hungary to be precise," Ivan added smiling down at the brunet woman who continued to look at him in that strange way. "It's a pleasure…" Ludwig said trying to sound polite but when she stood up, the boy had to lower his gaze again because of her intense green eyes. He heard her laugh briefly, almost sweetly, and then he felt a hand on his cheek and Ludwig forced himself to look up again trying to ignore his red cheeks. "You've grown up so fast, Ludwig," she commented happily, "you're a beautiful boy, sweetheart."

Ludwig didn't answer, he didn't even open his mouth because that familiar feeling was so strange, "she was Gilbert's childhood friend," Ivan said next to him and Ludwig widened his eyes in surprise, "I didn't… No one has…"

"Calm down, boy," Elizaveta caressed his head gently, "you were two the last time I've see you, don't worry if you don't remember me, Ivan has said that your guardians didn't use to talk to you about Gilbert, right?"

Ludwig nodded deadly serious. "We can fix it step by step, I think," she added continuing to smile. Ludwig frowned again, "what do you mean, madam?"

"Oh no! no! no! Call me Elizaveta! Liz if you want!" She exclaimed leaning forward to kiss the boy's forehead, Ludwig froze holding his breath and widening his blue eyes in surprise. Arthur had been the only one to touch him like that until now and not so often! "I will talk to you about your older brother as much as you want, boy!" Elizaveta promised and Ludwig eyes shone with new light, "seriously madam… ehm… Elizaveta?"

"Sure!" Ivan answered, "it's your right to know about your family, isn't it? Elizaveta knew him very well and she would be happy to talk about their past together."

"It was funny!" Elizaveta said cheerfully pinching the boy's nose tenderly, Ludwig blushed again and the woman's expression darkened a little, "you didn't change at all, Ludwig."

* * *

><p>Sometimes, Ivan Braginski would had dreamed about when he was little, running along the limitless land where he was born, where he belonged to, he had always hated that place. Sometimes he would had dreamed of his firsts wars with his companions, when he could barely kill a man, he was so afraid of killing, it didn't look fair, it didn't look good. Ivan had learnt to kill to earlier, but he had to do it to survive history. He wasn't born to die young, he wasn't born to die at all.<p>

Most of the time, Ivan Braginski would have had nightmares.

Corpse everywhere, there were always corpse everywhere, the only changed thing was the place and the time.

_"Stay away!"_

Someone was crying.

_"Stay away from us!"_

He knew that person, he knew those gorgeous red eyes. He was the only breathing person in that dark place, he was the only one without a black uniform. _"Don't you dare to touch us!"_He used to be so proud, so strong, He used to be a winner. His greatest love had been his only mistake…

_"Stay away! Stay away!"_

Someone was crying but it wasn't Gilbert's voice…

Ivan woke up frustrated growling some nonsense and moving into a sitting position. He hid his face in his hands breathing deeply to calm himself, he pressed a hand against his naked chest feeling the crazy heartbeat inside it. He needed to drink something, vodka would have been great! He sighed deeply getting off of the bed without caring to wear something else but the trousers. Ivan scratched his head tiredly walking along the dark corridor, but he didn't go so far.

"Ehm… I…" The Russian probably was imaging it but he thought to be able to see those blue irises even in the darkness, "I've heard someone scream," Ludwig justified himself wrapping his arms around his own body like he wanted to protect himself from Ivan's confused eyes. "Oh…" The Russian murmured. _Did I scream?_"I can't sleep right now, if you need something I will be happy to help you."

Ludwig shook his head quickly, "no, I'm fine! I was only worried…!" The young German sneezed two times and Ivan came closer quickly, "you're catching a cold…" he murmured with a smile wrapping an arm around the boy's shoulders, Ludwig flinched involuntary. Ivan laughed, "sorry, my hand is cold, too. Do you want to come inside?"

"Eh?" Ludwig blinked two times, looking up at the taller blond. "In my room!" Ivan explained, "we can talk for a while so I won't felt lonely, I will say to Toris to let you sleep tomorrow morning."

Ludwig wanted to run, he regretted the moment he had stepped outside his room! Ivan was gentle, yes, he patient, yes! But he didn't have the courage to spend the rest of the night inside Russia's bedroom like they were old friends. Ludwig had shared a bedroom only with Alfred and Alfred had always been inside his life! He was like and older brother! Alfred was different from Ivan! The Russian was still a stranger for him… a fascinating stranger… but always a stranger.

Ludwig nodded slowly, "it's okay for me."

Inside the room, Ivan made him sit on a chair giving him a red blanket to cover himself, "danke… ehm, thank you."

Ivan laughed putting up a shirt to protect his upper-body from the cold, "I can understand your language very well."

Ludwig frowned cuddling himself against the chair's back, "I didn't know…"

"I've spent a lot of time with Germans," Ivan explained sitting at the end of his bed staring at the dark sky outside the window. "My history has been connected to yours very often."

"I know…" Ludwig nodded, "Arthur and Francis didn't allow me to read my brother's diary but I've studied Europe's History. I know almost everything about everyone."

Ivan smiled briefly, "you're smart, Ludwig! But you can't find how was our real life inside those books. You can read about our leaders, about our generals and about our court's stories. Our allies, our enemies, our victories, our defeats…" Ivan's smile disappeared, "but our personal story has hidden behind a country name. No one knows who we has loved, who we has hated… it's a sad thing, I think."

Ludwig stared at the older blond in total awe and then lowered his gaze sadly, "I want to read my brother's diary for this reason, too. I know every single detail about my family's history but… but I want to read how Gilbert felt when he has turned into a Kingdom, who really Friedrich II has been... Alfred said that Arthur said that he and my brother used to be good friends…"

Ivan snorted, "da, they were very _very_good friends…"

Ludwig frowned, "what?"

Ivan shook his head forcing a smile, "Elizaveta will talk about it eventually!"

"I want to know about my other brother, too," Ludwig added turning deadly serious, "I know… there are a lot of bad things about him and… maybe there are _only_ bad things but he is the reason because of the entire world hates me. I know what's written inside History-books but you've said a very true things, it's not about the real us."

Ivan didn't answer, he was a little confused right now. _Who are you talking about, Ludwig?_

"I want to know him in a different way… I need to know if he has never been a good person before the two wars. Francis used to say that I look like him, he said it with a hateful gaze on his face. I need know because Gilbert has named me just after him… after the first Ludwig Beilschmidt, the monster that had destroyed the entire Europe."

Ivan froze, he held his breath widening his eyes. _It can't be… No, they couldn't say the truth but… but… it can't be!_

"I don't even know his face… Did I look like the Nazi Germany so much?" Ludwig asked at the end, his voice full of sadness. His expression was firm but Ivan could see the sorrow hidden behind that young, beautiful face.

_You're that Germany, Ludwig…_

Ivan forced a smile, that game was turning into the most funniest and interesting thing of his life. "Nyet…"

* * *

><p>It stopped to rain at the end of the first week and Ludwig asked to Toris if he could see the garden, "I don't find Ivan," he justified himself when the brunet stared down at him confused. "He is resting, probably," the brunet said forcing a smile, "I will be your guide."<p>

"Does Ivan use to sleep during the morning so often?" Ludwig asked while the brunet opened the second door in the kitchen. "He is very tired because of his work," Toris muttered stepping outside without looking back at the young German. Ludwig followed blinking two times because of the sunlight, it wasn't still spring but it was warm to be the start of March. The garden around them didn't have so much to offer, there were a lot of bushes but they looked more like sinister groups of branches, but Ludwig was happy just walking outside of the house.

"It uses to be beautiful during the spring and the summer but Ivan didn't use it so much, so it looked a little sad," Toris explained looking at the dead leafs all around them, "it was better with the snow."

"Doesn't Ivan like to stay outside?" Ludwig asked feeling the cold breeze brush against his cheeks. Toris smiled briefly, "he can't tolerate the city, to be honest," the young German stared at him curiously, "Ivan has grown up surrounded by a limitless land of snow, he didn't like little places, the city suffocates him. He can barely live in his house in Moscow, he run away every time he can…" A pause. "He has nightmares very often."

Ludwig stopped to walk rethinking about the screams the night before. _I can't sleep right now, _Ivan had said and Ludwig sighed deeply to have been so stupid to not understand. _We can talk for a while so I won't feel lonely_. Ludwig knew what it meant to be alone surrounded by the darkness of the night with the only company of the thoughts and the memories. Thoughts of solitude, memories of sorrow… He had spent a lot of nights in that way since his childhood.

"Is something wrong?" Toris asked looking at the teenager. Ludwig sighed again, "I've heard someone scream the last night and when I walked along the corridor to understand what's going on I met Ivan… He looked so tired, confused… but I didn't know… I didn't… I've said a lot of nonsenses about history and my family and I know that it's not a good topic to talk with a Russian… with _Russia_! So…"

"You couldn't know…" Toris stopped him with a gentle smile, "Ivan usually doesn't force himself to listen what he doesn't want to listen, if he has let you talk, it means that it was fine for him. Believe me, he can look patient and gentle but…" Toris looked all around to see if someone was watching them, "he makes you understand very clearly when he is nervous or angry and, I beg you, Ludwig, don't make him get angry with you…"

Ludwig frowned, "why do I have to make him angry?" He asked confused, "he doesn't look so severe, my former parents are not so gentle and friendly like him, to be honest."

"Gentle and friendly?" Toris repeated with a sad smile resting a hand on the boy's shoulder, "Ludwig, he is happy about you… I don't know the reason but it can't be a good reason, can you understand?"

Ludwig didn't like that dialogue anymore, "nein…"

Toris sighed deeply, "please, Ludwig, you're so young! Be careful, if something will happen to you, I don't want to think about what will happen to the entire Europe."

Ludwig took a step back giving a cold gaze to the Baltic nation, "nothing is going to happen to me! Thanks but I can take care of myself!"

Toris bit his lower lip, "Ludwig, why did you accept?"

"What?" The German asked.

"Why did you accept…?"

"Accept what, Toris?" A singsong voice asked from behind them. The brunet flinched and then froze widening his eyes in terror, Ludwig didn't fail to notice it while Ivan Braginski walked slowly towards them. "We don't want to confuse our young guest just at the end of the first week with us, da?" The Russian asked placing a hand on the brunet's shoulder and Toris lowered his face, "we have to take care of him."

Ludwig couldn't move, too. Ivan wasn't looking at him but the light in his violet eyes while he stared down at Toris was scaring him very much. It wasn't like the light in Francis' eyes when he got mad with him, it was darker, colder, it was like something he had already seen but he didn't remember where. His head began to hurt and Ludwig placed a hand against his forehead in a futile try to make it stop.

He closed his eyes sighing deeply. _Violet eyes… Evil eyes… Violet eyes… Evil eyes…_ _What the hell is that?_

"Are you alright?" Ludwig flinched slapping away the hand that was trying to touch his cheek, Ivan stared down at him blankly and Ludwig looked back confused, almost terrified. He saw Toris behind the Russian while he walked towards the house again, he could see him tremble from where he was. "Are you alright?" Ivan asked again confused and Ludwig glared at him, "what are you going to do to him?"

Ivan blinked two times, "what are you talking about, Ludwig?"

"About Toris!" The young blond exclaimed, "and about the his terrified eyes when you've touched him."

Ivan lifted his light eyebrows and then he started to laugh, "are you trying to teach me how to treat my servants?"

"He is not your servant!" Ludwig exclaimed, "he is a part of your Soviet Union!"

Ivan's smile died quickly, "_I'm _the Soviet Union, Ludwig," he said coldly, "and you're too young to understand a lot of things about being a powerful nation so don't you dare to talk to me in this way again or I will make you remember that your east-half is part of my Soviet Union, too."

Ludwig widened his eyes in surprise. Yes, he didn't know Ivan so well, yet! Yes, Francis had been more severe than him during his entire life! No, he didn't like to see that dark light in Ivan's eyes, he reminded to him about something he didn't remember and it turned him nervous and terrified at the same time. He couldn't scold Russia inside his own house, not when he was the guest without power and without experience about a nation's duties but he was still free to get angry when he saw something he didn't like.

Ludwig started to walk without looking at Ivan's face again but a strong hand blocked him very quickly. "I'm sorry," Ivan's gentle voice was returned and Ludwig closed his eyes sighing deeply, "you're the guest, I don't have to say bad things to the guest, da?"

Ludwig turned around to watch him, Ivan's eyes were their usual violet again, "what are you going to do to Toris?"

Ivan shook his head, "nothing if it's what you want."

"It is…" Ludwig muttered nodding slightly, "I'm sorry, I didn't have to be arrogant."

"It's my fault," Ivan smiled again: his game could go on a little longer…

* * *

><p>Someone was crying again.<p>

_"Stay away!"_

Gilbert was screaming, he was terrified and his body was trembling but he wasn't crying. He was too proud e too stubborn to cry, like every good German knight. _"Stay away!"_ Gilbert was on the pavement between a lot of Nazis' corpse. Why was he there with them? Gilbert wasn't a Nazi, he had never been one of them. _"Don't touch him! Don't you dare to touch him!"_

_"I see nobody but you here, Gilbert."_

_"If you just try to touch him I will kill you, I swear, I will kill you with my hands!"_

It was stupid, it was irrational. There were only dead men around them. But someone was crying. Gilbert wasn't crying.

_"I've already touched him, Gilbert…"_

Him? Who? What they were talking about?

Gilbert looked down at the thing in his arms, Ivan couldn't see it because of the darkness. Someone continued to cry.

_"I know…" _His face was contorted, his eyes were full of sadness but he wasn't crying. He held that thing closer to his chest kissing it and murmuring something in German that Ivan didn't understand.

The cry didn't stop. It never stopped inside him…

_"I'm tired…"_

Another voice, another scene, another face. Blue eyes, not red eyes anymore.

_"We're tired…"_

Yes, they were. They had to be if they were so near to each other talking.

_"You've begun everything!"_

It was Ludwig's fault.

_"You were with me…"_

It was Ivan's fault.

_"You weren't supposed to be my enemy!"_

No, it was Ludwig's fault, only Ludwig's fault!

_"I wasn't supposed to be alone against the world, I was supposed to be alone over the entire world."_

Ludwig had destroyed himself, it was the cruel truth!

_"Da, it was the only price. You alone against the world, you alone against everyone."_

No, it was the price to have turned against Russia, against Ivan Braginski.

_"Isn't it what you feel every day of your life, Ivan?"_

All of us felt it! It's natural! They had to kill to survive! They had to destroy or to be destroyed… it's the history's first rule…

_Mors tua, vita mea…_

_"Why don't you kill me?"_

The second one is: don't beg the enemies, never.

_"It would be too easy, Ludwig…"_

The third one is…

_"Ivan… Ivan…"_

And someone was crying…  
><em><br>_"Ludwig?"

Ivan opened his eyes slowly, confused: there wasn't anyone next to him. He was crying. _Why am I crying?_ Ivan brought a hand to his cheek touching it, he tried to dry it but the tears didn't stop for a while, he stared at his owns fingers like they didn't belong to his body. _"Ivan… Ivan…"_

"Get out of my mind you bastard Nazi!" He screamed to the dark bedroom, the walls didn't answer. He widened his eyes in disbelief hoping that no one had heard his voice. That Ludwig hadn't heard his voice! Wait a moment… Ludwig?

Ivan blinked two times thinking about the young German who was sleeping in the next room. Ivan didn't reflect about it, he just got off of the bed and walked, the door was unlocked and he stepped inside the room slowly, silently.

Ludwig was under the red blanket resting on his side, a hand under the pillow, the other one was next to his sleeping face. The fingers were grabbing the hem weakly and his mouth was slightly open. Those lips… God, Ivan could turn one only staring at them.

Ludwig had always been too handsome to be a soldier, he was a virile young man and everything but… Ivan couldn't think about that perfect thing before his eyes like a machine-war. It could be fascinating: a dark angel with two gorgeous blue eyes with the Destruction inside him.

But it was too powerful the thought of that little thing so innocent e fragile outside and so monstrous inside, somewhere, in the deepest spot of his rotten soul. A Devil and an Angel unite together, the Light and the Darkness.

"The Hell and the Heaven…" Ivan murmured coming closer to the bed, "the addition of the two opposites, the perfection…" The Russian sat on the bed staring down at the boy with a sweet and creepy smile, "will you fall for me again, Ludwig? Will you stay with me forever, this time? Will you make me love you only to force me to hurt you later?"

Ivan leaned down placing some butterfly kiss on the young German's neck. Ludwig moved slightly in his sleep but he didn't wake up. Ivan rested his nose between the blond hair, he inhaled deeply restraining a sort of moan: the memories were sealed somewhere, the body was still so young and there wasn't blood on those hands but the scent was the same of that time…

"Ludwig…"

Another series of kisses between his hair, on his face.

"Ludwig…"

_You've given me those nightmares…_

* * *

><p>"What do you want to know about Gilbert?"<p>

"Everything!" Ludwig exclaimed with a gentle smile lifting his eyes to see the light sky over them, "I want to know about him, about Roderich, about the first Ludwig… about everyone you can describe to me."

"Don't you know Roderich, already? I mean… He is alive, he is fine…" ELizaveta said frowning a little, Ludwig's expression turned sad, "I don't know who really Roderich Eldestein is."

"The last time I saw them, Arthur and Francis were happy to make you see him sometimes…"

Ludwig stared at the bushes all around them, he noticed that some bud was starting to come out, the first signs of life after so many grey days, "Roderich hates me…" He murmured trying to not stop to smile but he felt Elizaveta hold her breath. "I don't understand," she said confused, "he… he… he has never been a tender person but you're Gilbert's younger brother!"

The German boy looked up at the young woman, "can it make some difference?"

"Well…" Elizaveta started to walk again staring down at the deep green grass, "Roderich wanted to keep the family's members together."

"The family?"

"Germania's children… The Ancient Germania's children."

"Oh…" Ludwig muttered confused, "Am I one of them?"

Elizaveta laughed gently, "sure!" She exclaimed pinching his nose, he acted so motherly with him. Ludwig was a little embarrassed about it but he liked it very much, he just didn't want to admit it because he didn't know if he can trust that unasked love so easily. Everyone had stopped to love him soon or late… "Did you know the Holy Roman Empire, right?"

"Ja…" Ludwig nodded.

"He was the first great Germania's heir, he had never turned into and adult, you know? When he is dead he was still a child, Gilbert and Roderich suffered about it very much. Gilbert accused Roderich about it because he has been the one to sign the Empire's dissolution."

Ludwig widened his eyes, "what?"

"Yes, little one…" Elizaveta looked down at him sadly, "it was what Napoleon wanted."

"I… I…" Ludwig felt something hurt inside him, near to his heart, "I know what happened historically, I tried to ask to Francis but he has never talked to me about history, he says it's a bad thing for me. But I thought… It sounds so cruel, a brother who signed a paper to kill his brother," Ludwig said staring up at the sky reflecting on his owns words, he couldn't notice the light in Elizaveta green's eyes. The surprise. The pain. The weight of the cruel truth.

_It sounds so cruel, a brother who signed a paper to kill his brother._

Elizaveta closed her eyes trying to restrain the tears.

Was Ludwig going to get his memories back? Could he be able to survive to that? Ludwig was so young, so naïve, so innocent, so gentle! Ludwig suffered for the death of an older brother he couldn't remember! Ludwig had been hated by everyone directly or indirectly and he didn't even know the reason, he had only accepted it because he couldn't change what _the first Ludwig _had done but he felt guilty, anyway…

Ludwig felt guilty only to be born, only to be alive. _Gilbert, where are you? He would never survive to the truth without you and with Ivan so near to him…_

"Elizaveta?"

The Hungarian opened her eyes again, two blue ones were staring at her confused. She forced a smile, "sorry! Sorry! I was thinking… I'm going to sit for a while, today the weather is so good!" Ludwig looked at her while she sat on the nearest bench. It looked sinister too like the rest of that strange house.

Ludwig sighed deeply looking for something to say or to do until he heard something move behind him.

"Oh, the tarrying beast!" Elizaveta exclaimed.

"Beast?" Ludwig exclaimed turning around so quickly that he almost fell. The _beast_ was right in front of him, it had two deep black eyes, two dark brown ears, a nose and four paws. At the end, the _beast_looked like a normal German Shepard and it seemed very friendly, too!

"H-Hi…" Ludwig said kneeling down slowly. Yes, he was talking to a dog, very good! "I think we don't know each other, yet. I'm Ludwig…" He reached out with his right hand waiting for the dog to come closer, he didn't want to scare him, "don't be afraid, I'm not going to hurt you. I only want to be your friend…"

_Friend? _Ludwig had never used that word so easily before, he could barely consider Alfred like a friend sometimes, like the night he had said something about to feel the entire world like his and the older blond had escaped from his bedroom with a forced a smile.

The dog moved slowly smelling the boy's hand carefully and then he let the young blond touch him, "good boy!" Ludwig exulted happily but he flinched when Elizaveta began to laugh loudly, "I can't believe it!" The Hungarian exclaimed, "Ivan has brought it because he wanted a watchdog, but Peter barks only when he sees him! He is a real German!"  
><em><br>_"Peter?" Ludwig repeated smiling brightly at the dog, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Peter."_  
><em>_  
><em>  
>Ivan was observing the scene from one of the great windows of his study ignoring completely his sisters words about the Union and their people. He smiled, "I can't even touch that dog that it starts to bark against me and look at them now…" he murmured resting his shoulder against the wall. The two women before him fell silent suddenly until Natalya snorted, "try to focus on something else sometimes, brother!" She exclaimed<p>

"Da…" Ivan nodded absently staring at the young German while he scratched the head of the dog gently. Ludwig looked so happy with that useless alive thing, it was interesting.

"Ivan!" Natalya called him again lifting her voice, "stop to drool behind that little whore, he is a German for God's sake! No, he is Germany!"

Ivan stopped to smile as he turned his head to stare at his younger sister. "Natalya, be gentle, please," Yekaterina said grabbing her little sister's hand, "Ludwig is almost a baby boy, Ivan wouldn't never touch him."

Natalya snorted again glaring at the older woman, "you are so naïve, Katya! You've taken care of him when he was nothing but you don't konw him at all!"

"Don't talk about _him_like I'm not right here in front of us," Ivan said coldly and Natalya closed her fists, "what's wrong with you, brother?" She asked almost shouting, "we love you! I love you! I love you more than anyone else in this entire stupid world and you continue to ignore me! To push me away! To prefer a German whore to your beloved sister!"

"If you'll allude to Ludwig using that dirty word again I'll get very angry, Natalya," Ivan used to be afraid of his little sister and, sometimes, he still was. But when he had been able to destroy that black monster, the red demon inside him had turned into a stronger thing, a soulless thing… No one could feel fear without a soul.

_Fear and love._

Natalya stared at his brother, Ivan stared back, they didn't say another word, they didn't move and when his younger sister lowered her eyes annoyed, Ivan smiled diabolically, "I'm going out, sister, do you want to come with me?"

Yekaterina blinked, "where?"

"It's a surprise."

* * *

><p>"It's a girly thing…"<p>

"Oh, shut up!" Elizaveta exclaimed lifting the brush to pass it over the boy's head again.

"It's humiliating…" Ludwig muttered holding his knees against his chest. "Shut up, I said!" Elizaveta repeated, "I don't care if you're a boy I'm not going to let you ruin your hair."

"Why?"

"Because it is so beautiful! It's so blond and soft, you can't understand!"

"Because I'm a boy!"

"You're a boy with beautiful hair, it's a good thing!"

"It's not!"

Elizaveta decide to hit the brush against the boy's head. "Ouch!" Ludwig exclaimed, "you hurt me!"

"I know!" The Hungarian said proudly. Ludwig didn't know where she had got that stupid idea but he couldn't do nothing when Elizaveta had forced him to sit on his bed grabbing that damned brush with the same bright smile of baby girl before the perfect hair of his favorite doll. _It's humiliating…_

Someone knocked on the door. "Ludwig? I'm Ivan…"

The young German froze turning around to steal the brush from the Hungarian's hand throwing it somewhere on the pavement. "Ludwig!" She complained. "We're not going to do it again!" He hissed passing a hand between his hair and getting off of the bed to open the door. "Come inside, Ivan…" The young German said and the Russian man smiled stepping inside the bedroom but he stopped when he saw the woman on the bed.

"Elizaveta…"

"Ivan…" She answered coldly, he was holding a box in his hands and she didn't fail to notice it. Well… it was impossible not notice it because it was strangely big and Ludwig had to think about it too, because he stared at the box like it was a sort of bomb or another fatal weapon. There were holes all over the top but the German couldn't understand the reason.

"Can we… You understand, right?" Ivan said to the woman and Elizaveta stood up glaring at the Russian until she reached the door, "good night, Ludwig," she said gently. "Good night…" the German answered confused and embarrassed at the same time. He held his breath when ELizaveta disappeared in the corridor closing the door behind her.

"Well… Someone said to me that you've known Peter."

Ludwig turned towards the Russian nodding quickly, "is it a bad thing?"

Ivan shook his head, "no, it's not, Ludwig," he knelt down placing the big box on the pavement. Ludwig stared at it for a while until Ivan talked again, "can I sit on your bed?"

"Of course…" The German nodded standing right before that strange object. "Good, I'm tired…" Ivan said sighing deeply sitting on the edge of the bed. "Your work?" Ludwig asked politely not knowing what to say.

"Da…" Ivan nodded with a smile, "but I see you play with my dog for a while, you're good with it."

"Uhm… thanks…"

"Have you always been so good with dogs?"

"No, it's the first time I can play with one, Ivan."

The Russian nodded again, "and do you like them?"

Ludwig smiled like a child the morning of Christmas, "Ja, I like them…" He lowered his blue eyes, "I wasn't allowed to take an animal but I've take care of three little kittens during a summer and…" His smile disappeared, "until my former parents found out."

Ivan laughed sarcastically, "was there something you were allowed to do, Ludwig?"

Ludwig smiled sadly, "usually… not what I wanted. Those three kittens were like friends for me… it sounds stupid and childish, sorry."

"Sorry?" Ivan asked shaking his head slowly, "it's a gentle thing, Ludwig. You don't have to be sorry because you're gentle."

Ludwig closed his fists sighing deeply, "I don't feel so gentle, Ivan."

"Why?"

"Because I was nine when I've found those kittens… and they've been my only real friends. I couldn't talk to them and they didn't judge me after very word. They didn't push me away. They has been the only relationship I've created with my owns hands in my entire life…" A pause, "it isn't normal…"

Ivan stared at the teenager for a while, "I don't like normal things, they are boring!"

Ludwig widened his eyes and when he lifted his face Ivan saw a red shadow on both his cheeks. The Russian smiled. _He is adorable. _"Open the box…"

Ludwig blinked insecure, "what is it inside?"

"It's a surprise."

The teenager knelt down slowly resting both his hands on top of the box staring down at it. He lifted the top, he froze. The Russian smiled, "come on! Take it out!"

Ludwig looked up at the Russian and then at the thing inside the box again, he put both his hands inside taking the puppy inside carefully. The little thing whined terrified, "nein, nein, it's alright! I don't want to hurt you," Ludwig held it against his chest. It had a red ribbon around its neck. It was a puppy of German Shepard.

"It's a female, I've chosen it because it was the quieter one."

Ludwig smiled gently at the little dog that nuzzled her muzzle against his chest, "what is her name?" He asked caressing the puppy's short dark fur. "I don't know, you have to name her, yet," Ivan answered naturally. Ludwig stopped to smile lifting his surprised face, "what do you mean, Ivan?"

"She is a present…" Ivan said smiling, "for you."

Ludwig stayed still for a while, he looked sadly at puppy, "I can't accept it."

"Da, you can…"

"Thank you… Thank you very much, seriously! But I can't reciprocate."

Ivan shook his head, "I don't want another gift in return. I just wanted to give you a present and when I saw you with Peter I decided what to buy."

Ludwig stared down at the little dog again, Ivan frowned. Why wasn't he happy? Why weren't his eyes shine like when he was playing with his German Shepard? Why did he look so sad and disappointed?

_What the hell I have to do to make you trust me?_

"If you don't like her, I will take her back and we'll find something else…"

Ludwig shook his head quickly holding the puppy closer to him, "I like her, I like her very much…"

Was his voice trembling?

"It's just…" Ludwig lowered his face a little more, in that way Ivan couldn't see his eyes anymore, "it's stupid! It's childish!"

"What are you talking about, Ludwig?"

"I… I…" Ludwig took a deep breath, "It's my first present."

Ivan blinked blankly, "are you serious?"

Ludwig looked up at the Russian again and Ivan stiffened when he saw the tears on his face. Ludwig touched his own face and froze, he stopped to breath and widened his eyes. "Ludwig?" Ivan called worried standing up and coming closer. Ludwig placed the puppy in the box again, the little thing began to whine again desperately but the young German didn't seem to hear it. "Ludwig!" Ivan exclaimed kneeling before him reaching out to touch his face, "Ludwig look at me!"

Ludwig hid his face in his hands shaking his head, "it hurts…"

"What?" Ivan asked grabbing his shoulder, "Ludwig, answer me!"

"It hurts!" Ludwig screamed pressing his hands against his temples, "it hurts! It hurts!"

"Ludwig!"

_"Did you like it?"_

Who was talking?

_"Ja, bruder! What's is its name?"_

Who was talking?

_"I don't know, West! You have to name it, it's your puppy! It's a present… for you!"_

West? Who was West?

Ludwig was screaming, someone was touching him but he didn't remember where he was or who was the person with him. he could hear voice, a lot of voices but not everyone was real. The pain in his head was killing him, Ludwig was sure! He was dying!

Someone called his name but he didn't know that voice, he didn't like that voice.

_"I love you, bruder!"_

Bruder?

_"I love you too, West!"_

Bright smile, warm hands, red eyes…

"Gilbert?"


	6. I Was Waiting For

**_[I Was Waiting For...]_**

_The boy of the last room was a lonely person._

_He spent the most of his time writing in a black notebook, he didn't talk with anyone but he was gentle when someone tried to talk with him. He didn't smile very often but when he did, he looked like an angel. A sad angel._

_He had arrived to the house for young boy and girl of the street after the rising of the Iron Curtain, the other guys thought that he used to live in the west side of the city but no one dared to ask. They didn't even know his name, the lady of the house didn't care to know, she was focused only on the compensation._

_The boy didn't have a job when he came to that place and the lady had given to him two months to find one, she did it with everyone._

_The boy of the last room had listened to her until the last word nodding slightly at the end of every sentence, his blue eyes were empty, his beautiful face was very pale and thin, he had only a half-empty suitcase with him. Since that day, he left his room only to go out and look for a job._

_He was always sad and when he came back, he looked like he was going to cry but he never did, not in front of everyone._

_He was very young, sixteen or seventeen probably, but he looked like somebody that had never known childhood. He looked more adult than the adults and it was creepy in a way or another. At the end of the second month, the boy of the last room gave a lot of money to the lady of the house._

_No one knew where he had found it, he didn't have a job, yet._

_The lady of the house didn't ask, she didn't care, like always. She gave to the boy six months to pay her again and she laughed making a comment about the old men and the boy's beautiful face. The boy widened his eyes but he said nothing coming back to his room, the last room of the corridor._

_His room was very little, cold and dirt but the boy didn't complain, he tried to keep it cleaned. He looked like a good person, he didn't bother anyone and he only wanted to be left alone but the other boys weren't good like him. The older ones bullied him very often, he tried to not react but when they tried to punch him, he was able to defend himself greatly._

_He always wear a jacket a little too big for him, he was very careful when he buttoned it up, like he was hiding something under it or, maybe, he was only a little ill. Sometimes, he used to stop suddenly to do everything and he looked down at his stomach and touched it. He had stomach problems, probably._

_But when he did it. When he looked down at his stomach touching it, he smiled._

_It was the only time the other guys could see him smile sincerely, a happy and sad smile at the same time but no one could understand the reason of that desperate happiness, but someone heard him murmur something, one day._

_"Everything will be alright, I promise…"_

* * *

><p>"Everything will be alright!"<p>

He had already heard those words.

_"Everything will be alright, West! Trust your awesome brother!"_

"He will be alright, Elizaveta! Shut up, now!"_  
><em>  
>He was so confused.<p>

_"Everything will be alright, Lyudya. I promise."  
><em>  
>Who the hell was Lyudya?<p>

"Ludwig?"

Yes, it was his name.

_"West…"_

"Ludwig…"

_"Lyudya…"_

"Ludwig!"

Ludwig opened his eyes finding himself out of air.

He gasped in panic reaching out with his right hand, someone squeezed it immediately.

" Breathe Ludwig or you will pass out again, breathe!" He shook his head violently and two hands rested on his cheeks, "look at me! Look at me, Ludwig, you can trust me, da?"

"Come on, Ludwig, don't give up sweetheart!" A woman's voice, he knew that voice.

Ludwig wanted to cry, everything hurt, his heart was going to explode, he felt a warm thing on his chest. It was a gentle touch, "slowly, breathe slowly… Da, you're doing well, breathe… Breathe."

"Good boy…" The second voice sounded so motherly

Ludwig grabbed the thing on his chest: it was a warm hand and when he squeezed it, the bigger fingers squeezed back. He looked up, he could see clearly now and the first thing he saw was him. Ivan! Ivan was right next to him and he was staring down at his face with his deep violet eyes. The Russian smiled, "welcome back, Ludwig."

Ludwig didn't know what he was thinking but he widened his eyes in shock, "you're here…" He murmured like it was a strange thing. Ivan smiled gently and nodded, "da, Ludwig, I've never left you."

"I was waiting for you, I was waiting but you've never come," his voice was trembling dangerously.

Ivan stopped to smile, he blinked confused, "Ludwig, I've always been here…"

"I tried to make them stop, Ivan, I tried!" It was hard to breathe, "I've found Gilbert but they were waiting for me, they didn't allow us to leave the city!"

"He is delirious, Ivan."

"Shut up, Elizaveta!"

Ludwig closed his eyes crying silently, "they were killing each other, they were killing their families, their children… They were killing their own children…" His heart was going to explode, "they wanted to kill me and Gilbert, too."

Ivan shook his head slowly sitting on the edge of the bed and taking the teenager's face in his hands, "Ludwig, the war is over! They aren't in Berlin anymore, they aren't in Germany anymore, everything is over!"

Ludwig shook his head slowly, "you've promised to stop him…"

"I did it!" Ivan exclaimed stroking back the boy's blond hair, "he is dead years ago!"

Elizaveta widened her green eyes, "he is talking about… about…"

"Ludwig!" Ivan rested his forehead against the German's, "Ludwig, it's happened sixteen years ago, you've to wake up! It's only a nightmare!"

Ludwig looked at him one last time, his blue eyes were two mirrors of desperation, "I was waiting…" He muttered, "you've never come…"

Ivan felt the grip on his hand fade away and Ludwig fell asleep again in his arms.

The Russian was frozen on his seat, he was staring down at the boy with wide open eyes while Elizaveta was staring at them confused. "Ivan?" She called but the Russian didn't hear her.

"Ivan!" She rested a hand on his shoulder and the man looked up at her confused like he had just woken up from a dream, "Was he talking about the war?"

Ivan looked down at the sleeping boy again, "da…" he murmured absently.

"Oh, God!" Elizaveta pressed a hand against her mouth walking around the room, "the puppy! Gilbert has given a puppy to him when he was still a child, it has forced him to remember the past!"

"Lower your voice…" Ivan said brushing his fingertips against Ludwig's pale cheek. _Are you still inside there, Lyudovik?_

"He needs to rest a little longer…"

_Are you still waiting for me after sixteen years?_

"We have to call Arthur and Francis!" Elizaveta proclaimed and Ivan turned towards her immediately, "don't you dare to propose it, again!" He hissed and the woman looked at him suspiciously, "they have the right to know, Ivan."

"They don't care about him!" The Russian replied.

"Oh right! You care about him with all your heart!" Elizaveta exclaimed sarcastically. "Better than them!" Ivan was going to lose his patience.

"Seriously? And where the hell were you during the latest sixteen years?"

"Shut up!" Ivan shouted sending a dark gaze to the woman, Elizaveta tensed up a little and lowered her proud eyes immediately, "what do you plan to do if he'll wake up remembering everything?"

"He will not…"

Elizaveta snorted, "you're so childish, Ivan!" She commented crossing her arms against her chest, "you can't control everyone and everything and you aren't able to control his mind, surely! You have to accept it!"

"I don't allow you to talk to me like you're my mother," Ivan wasn't smiling childishly since Ludwig had started to remember about the war. It was a very bad topic for everyone but Ivan was reflecting about something, Elizaveta could say it only observing his face. Ludwig had said something that had _scared_ him in a way or another.

"Do you know what he was talking about?" She asked.

Ivan shook his head slowly, "he was delirious."

Elizaveta nodded, "yes, he was delirious but do you know who he was waiting for, really?"

Ivan's stared up at Ludwig's peaceful face for a while.

_I was waiting… You've never come…_

"Nyet…"

Ludwig woke up two hours later feeling his head so empty and heavy that he wanted only to fall asleep again. He curled up under the blankets trying to lose consciousness again but…

"Good morning," A gentle voice next to him make him open his eyes automatically: Ivan Branginski was sitting on a chair next to his bed, there was a book in his hands and a warm smile on his lips, "how are you feeling?"

The younger blond didn't answer, he just stared up at the Russian blankly and Ivan turned serious immediately, "do you recognize me, Ludwig?" The German nodded slightly and the smile came back on the Russian's lips, "you've scared us, you know?"

"I'm…" His throat hurt, " I'm sorry."

Ivan placed the book on the nightstand and reached out to touch the teenager's face, Ludwig closed his eyes enjoying that moment: he was too tired to complain, he needed to be touched, it felt safe, it felt familiar but no one had been so gentle with him since his childhood. Arthur gave him a hug or a fatherly kiss sometimes, but it had never felt like a natural thing.

"You don't have to be sorry, little one."

Ivan caressed his hair, he blushed but he said nothing because it was good when Ivan touched him, it was right but Ludwig didn't know the reason, "my head hurts…"

"It's natural," the Russian murmured, "your little girl has waited for you to wake up, she already loves you very much."

Ludwig blinked two times confused and then he followed Ivan's violet eyes to the floor: there was a big basket next to his bed and a German shepherd puppy was sleeping serenely inside there. Ludwig blushed deeply rethinking about what's happened, "I'm so sorry, I didn't thank you properly, yet."

Ivan lifted his eyebrows stopping to move his hand on the younger one's head but he smiled again a little later, "I'm very happy you like my present."

Ludwig didn't answer focusing on the feeling of Ivan's fingers between his hair like it was the most natural thing in the world: he was still half-asleep, "It has never happened before…"

"It's a good thing to know, it won't happen again, probably!" Ivan exclaimed cheerfully.

"I heard Gilbert's voice…" Ludwig muttered, he knew that it sounded very stupid but he wasn't rationalizing right now. He was an open book just like a drunk man, "I've never heard his voice, but he sounded so familiar."

"You didn't remember it consciously," Ivan commented, "but you were two when he is dead, you've heard his voice, you know his voice. You just can't remember it clearly."

Ludwig nodded absently, "maybe… But why now? Why here? Why?"

"Shhh…" Ivan sat on the edge of the bed next to him, "you're still weak, you're still burning up and you don't have to stress your body and mind. Did you understand?" Ludwig nodded slowly and Ivan adored his expression, the younger one was still half-asleep, the blue of his eyes was deeper and his face was sweet and sensual at the same time, he looked like he was trying to understand where his dreams ended and where the real life began. Ivan knew that expression, Ivan had fallen in love with that expression almost eighteen years before.

He didn't know what he was thinking.

He wasn't thinking at all, probably.

Ivan bent down resting a sweet kiss on Ludwig's cheek: his skin was still soft like he remembered it and he was warm. Ivan brushed the tip of his nose against the young German's cheek-bone placing some butterfly kiss along his jaw. "Oh, Ludwig…" He smiled down at the blond teenager but when he realized what he had done, he stopped immediately. Ludwig was staring up at him with his wide open blue eyes, his cheeks were redder than before and he was holding his breath.

Ivan stay still, frozen, for a while trying to think about something to say.

"Ehm…" He babbled but Ludwig didn't wait to listen his words, he tried to get off of the bed but the Russian was faster and blocked him, "you don't have to move so much, Ludwig."

Ludwig stared at him terrified pressing his back against the headboard.

"Ludwig," Ivan called confused, "I'm Ivan, I'm not going to hurt you."

The Russian reached out to touch the German's red face but Ludwig closed his eyes slapping his hand away, blindly, "nein… nein… don't touch me, please."

"Why?" Ivan asked more confused than before, "it was just a kiss on the cheek, it was an innocent thing. I'm sorry, I didn't want to make you feel embarrassed."

"It's not so easy…"

"What isn't easy?" The Russian asked.

Ludwig tried to meet his eyes hesitantly, "I'm not used to be touched so gently."

Ivan blinked, "I don't understand, Ludwig."

Ludwig send him a cold gaze, "it's not so hard to understand, you know them better than me, right?"

"Them? Your parents?"

"They are not my parents!" Ludwig screamed but he pressed a hand against his mouth immediately, "I'm… I'm sorry… I didn't want to…" He was trembling again like he was afraid to be punished. "I'm not going to hurt you," Ivan repeated calmly, "did they use to…"

"No!" Ludwig shook his head, "Arthur has slapped me only one time in my entire life, Alfred had never hurt me and Francis… Francis doesn't like me very much, but he has never beat me. They didn't use to touch me, at all…" He murmured at the end holding his knees against his chest and lowering his eyes, "I don't want to talk about it."

"I need to understand…" Ivan murmured gently.

"No, you don't need it!" Ludwig exclaimed and then he relaxed against the pillows again, "you have me in your house, it's all you care about so… Don't worry about me, I'm fine!"

Ivan shook his head slowly, "no, you're not fine, Ludwig."

Ludwig glared at him, "what do you want from me?"

"Nothing," Ivan chuckled.

"What do you want from me?" Ludwig repeated firmly.

Ivan turned deadly serious staring at Ludwig intensely, the young German stared back: Ludwig was a great soldier, he had been a powerful nation, but his glory had ended very quickly. But that type of fight, a gazes' fight, was Ludwig's specialty.

He could do everything with those blue eyes.

Ludwig didn't know, but if he just was a little less introverted and shy and a little more _confident, _he would have conquered the entire world with just a gaze.

What a pity! Ivan knew exactly what to do to win that battle. He lifted his hand cupping Ludwig's cheek, the young German stiffened but he didn't take his eyes off of his face. The Russian smiled coming closer and closer and closer…

Their noses were always touching when Ludwig lowered his face, at the end.

Ivan chuckled childishly, "I'm the winner."

Ludwig widened his eyes and then he pushed the Russian away. Ivan grabbed his wrist making him fall on the mattress with him. Ludwig collapsed against his chest heavily and the older one growled painfully closing his eyes.

"Did I hurt you?"

Ivan opened his eyelids finding Ludwig's worried blue eyes on him , he chuckled, "you're too little to hurt me."

Ludwig pouted. Oh God! He really pouted! He moved off of the bed stopping right before the big window and the Russian sat up staring at him, "I'm not little!" Ludwig growled crossing his arms against his chest but he didn't turn around to watch Ivan's face, "I'm old enough to take care of myself!"

_Proud and stubborn, let's play another little game my beloved sunflower_, Ivan thought smiling darkly.

"You're old enough, da?"

Ludwig nodded firmly looking outside of the window absently.

Ivan stood up coming closer, "do you want to play an adult game, Ludwig?"

The German blinked two times and then he turned towards the older blond who smiled sweetly and coldly at the same time, "What game?"

"A game about control and power," Ivan said looking for something inside his jacket.

Ludwig took a step back when he saw the gun in the Russian's hand, "Did you ever use one of these little toys?" It has to be funny, it has to be exiting like the first time they had done it: Ludwig's firm eyes on him, his controlled fear.

The Russian roulette had decided their fate during the war, that stupid game had made Ivan fall for his worst enemy.

He had started it, it was his fault.

No, it wasn't true!

Ivan had started it but Ludwig had lowered the gun.

It's had been Ludwig's fault! Everything was Ludwig's fault!

But it wasn't going to happen a another time, Ludwig had betrayed him two times, it wasn't going to happen again!

_I was waiting for you… you've never come _

It wasn't true! It was only the last of Ludwig Beilschmidt's lies!

He had to pay! He had to pay for his broken heart! He had to pay for everything!

"You have to…" He almost muttered but when he lifted his eyes to look at the young German, his expression changed: Ludwig was terrified! He was staring at the gun like it was the most horrible thing he had ever seen. He was trembling violently and he was pressing his back against the window like he could disappear behind the glass.

"Ludwig…" Ivan called taking a quick step and the gun fell on the floor, involuntary. Ludwig almost whined staring down at it.

Ivan stared at his terrified face without understanding what was happening inside the young German's mind: Ludwig was a soldier, he was a fighter, he wasn't afraid of weapons, he had always used them to survive!

"Ludwig?" Ivan called again but the boy wasn't listening to him, he couldn't take his eyes off of the gun on the floor, "Ludwig!" Ivan came closer grabbing his upper arms and shaking him gently. Ludwig looked up at him and his features relaxed a little, Ivan felt his little hands on his chest, his fingers were grabbing his shirt, he shook his head slowly, "I don't like this game…"

Ivan nodded automatically cupping his cheek reassuringly, "okay, I'm sorry… I will never make you see it again, da?"

Ludwig nodded quickly and then he lowered his gaze blushing deeply, "I'm just a weak, stupid child, right?"

Ivan widened his eyes and then he sighed deeply, he kicked the gun away and Ludwig calm down automatically, "no one likes weapons."

"I hate them…"

It was almost funny to hear it from Germany but Ivan wasn't going to laugh.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked gently.

Ludwig looked up at him blankly, "it's not important…" He muttered shrugging.

Ivan's expression turned cold, "you're hanging on me like a scared child. You're a liar just like a child, you're not really able to take care of yourself, little one."

Ludwig sent him a hateful gaze, he pushed him away but he didn't use so much strength. He looked disappointed and his blue eyes were full of angry tears but Ivan didn't care. It was the strange thing! Ivan didn't care but he used to act so gentle and patient with him during their first week together.

Ludwig couldn't feel his kindness anymore, not like before.

He was gentle a minute and he looked annoyed a second later.

It was like Ivan was challenging him but Ludwig didn't want to fight, he wanted only to be respected. He didn't want to talk about his fear of being touched, he didn't want to talk about his terror for a gun.

He was so weak, he was so useless.

Ivan turned around, he picked up the gun and he walked towards the door, "I'm bored…" He commented like a spoiled child and Ludwig froze. He didn't want to annoy Ivan! He just didn't like guns and being touched but they could play another game if Ivan wanted to play!

"Nein… Nein… Bitte!" Ludwig almost ran towards the Russian grabbing his wrist.

Ivan turned around confused.

"I will do everything you want but don't be mad with me, please."

Ivan lifted his eyebrows.

"I will talk to you about them… The other allies, if you want… But don't be mad with me."

_Don't abandon me like them!_

A new smile appeared on Ivan's lips and the young German relaxed a little, "I'm glad but you've to rest, come back to bed, da?"

Ludwig nodded and obeyed quickly, Ivan followed him but he didn't sit on the chair next to the bed, he had a seat right next to the young German. The boy blushed a little lowering his gaze, he was embarrassed but he could stay silent, not now. He rested his back against the pillow holding his knees against his chest, Ivan's violet eyes on him weren't helping at all.

He closed his eyes sighing deeply, "I've never been a very talkative child," he began, "but I tried to be a good child with everyone," he smiled sadly, "I failed."

Ivan stared at him intensely but he didn't say a word.

"Arthur has tried to love me, he has tried, seriously! But he didn't touch me if it wasn't necessary. Sometimes he stared down at me like I was ghost or a monster or another terrifying thing. It hurt more than a slap and I spent hours and hours staring at my reflection on the mirror to understand what was wrong with me. I never understood."

Ivan understood, instead.

"Alfred, he is the only person that loves me, probably," Ludwig smiled gently and Ivan made a face trying to restrain a snort, "he is a little too noisy for me, but he was gentle with me. He really tried to make me smile and he always tried to comfort me when Francis was angry with me, but his house is far away and he didn't take care of me the most of the time."

_You're lucky, Ludwig_, Ivan could vomit only thinking about Alfred with Ludwig. It was the most disgusting thing in the world after Natalya's obsession for him.

He hated the American, after all.

No one wants to see a precious thing in the hands of a hated person.

And Ludwig… Oh, Ludwig was more precious than a sunflower during the winter and Ivan didn't want to share his beloved toy with a spoiled American brat.

_We'll have to work about your feelings for America, Lyudovik._

"Francis…" Ludwig muttered at the end and Ivan focused on him again, "Francis has always hated me, always…" The Russian could feel the sadness in his voice, "he always touched me violently, he scolded me for everything I did or said. I just wanted to make him proud of me but I renounced, at the end," a pause, "I remember that when I was little and he came back home after a trip, I ran in to say hello to him with a big and bright smile," another pause, loner that time, "he always ignored me or pushed me away. It's because of him if I can't stand the sight of a gun."

Ivan blinked without understanding.

"I was seven or eight, maybe. Arthur was in London and we were alone, I tried to not bother him so I spent the most of the time in my bedroom playing alone. I talked with myself when I played, I know, it sounds pathetic but it was the only way to break the silence around me sometimes," Ludwig wasn't thinking about what he was saying, he was only talking and talking like he had never done in his entire life and it wasn't so hard with a patient person next to him, at the end. "That evening I was drawing singing a childish song: Francis didn't look very happy and he has drunk for the entire day so I wanted to give him a present to make him smile. I found him on the couch, he was half asleep and I came closer slowly, silently."

Ludwig tensed up a little and Ivan didn't fail to notice it.

"I've given to him my drawing: it was the father's day and I tried to portrait him with me during a sunny day, it sucks but it was everything I was able to do. I explained to him because I wanted to give it to him and… and…" Ludwig was trembling slightly, "he has never gotten so mad before! He has pushed me against the floor and he has pointed a gun against my forehead…"

Ludwig stopped to talk for a while, Ivan held his breath widening his eyes. _Francis? Francis Bonnefoy has pointed a gun against a child!_

_A German child._

_Oh, right, a German child. No, Germany himself…_

"… I didn't remember what he screamed exactly but I didn't try to make him proud of me again after that day. I forced him to be better around him, it has lasted until…" A third pause, "until the day I've come here."

Ivan frowned, "what?"

Ludwig looked towards him for the first time since he had begun to talk, "I decided to come here all alone and I found the courage to inform Arthur and Francis only the evening before my departure. Francis has punched me…"

_You're an ungrateful brat. No, you're an ungrateful bastard, Ludwig!_

"He has screamed a lot of horrible things and Arthur has tried to stop him but he didn't…"

_You're just like every German at the start of the Second War, a Russian's whore!_

"He had kicked me out of my brother's house."

_You've the destruction inside you, Ludwig!_

Ludwig stared absently at the red blankets before his eyes, "I just wanted to be loved by them…" He said shaking his head slowly, he frozen when he felt a warm thing brush against his cheek. He turned, he met Ivan's sad eyes, he touched his face: he was crying.

"Oh, Gott…" He almost growled getting off of the bed angrily.

"Ludwig?" Ivan called following him but the boy looked like he wanted to hide himself from the entire world, "look at me!" He exclaimed hysterically staring at the Russian, "look at me, Ivan!"

"I'm looking at you, Ludwig!"

"I'm only a weak, powerless brat without a real land!" The German exclaimed sobbed, "the entire world hates me only because I have blond hair and two blue eyes! I'm a German and I don't deserve nothing but hate, right?"

_Da, you're right_.

"Nyet, Ludwig, calm down, please…"

"I will do my best to be a good nation, to be a good Germany but I need a chance…"

_The world is cruel, you've made it crueler._

"Of course, you will be but you don't have to stress yourself now."

"I'm so tired…" Ludwig shook his head slowly, "I'm so tired to be hated."

_You'll get accustomed to it, I did._

"You're not hated," Ivan tried again coming closer slowly, "I don't hate you."

_I love you so much that I want to make you mine in the most painful way I know._

"You don't know me, Ivan," The Nazi Germany could look really so fragile without his memories, "I'm boring for you, right?"

Ivan chuckled, "please, I was nervous and tired. You've made me worried a lot so…"

"Liar!"

_You're the only liar between us!_

"Ludwig…" Ivan cupped the boy's wet face, "I will make you a great nation, if you want. I will love you, if you want. I will never make them hurt you again, if you want."

_Sale your soul to me another time, my fallen angel._

Ludwig blushed deeply but he didn't tried to move away, "I've never talked with anyone before today…" He muttered with trembling voice, "I used to talk with my brother's tombstone," He shook his head, "it's so pathetic," He tried to turn around and walk away but Ivan blocked him wrapping an arm around his waist, Ludwig began to tremble immediately.

"Calm down…"

"I don't like to be touched…"

"Calm down!" Ivan repeated firmly caressing his back slowly and lifting his free hand to do the same thing with his hair. He smiled briefly when he felt Ludwig relax against him slowly, "is pleasant to be touched, right?"

Ludwig lowered his gaze without answering and Ivan decided to wrap both his arms around his body holding him against his chest, the young German stiffened dangerously but the older blond began to talk gently, "shhh, calm down! It's just a hug, it's a good thing, I'm not accustomed to it very much just like you but it will be a great thing if we'll help each other, da?"

Ludwig rested his forehead against the Russian's shoulder hesitantly. It was warm, it was comfortable but it was so different from Elizaveta's warmth when she tried to touch him. It was familiar…

_"Lyudovik…"_

Ludwig pushed Ivan away immediately like something had hurt him suddenly.

Ivan frowned, "Ludwig?"

The German boy looked terrified again, "how did you call me before?"

Ivan blinked, "I didn't call you, at all."

Ludwig looked around the bedroom in panic, "someone was calling me but it wasn't my name. It sounded similar to my name but it wasn't…"

"Oh, Ludwig," Ivan smiled friendly taking his hand, "you've to rest, don't make me repeat it another time."

"But…"

"Don't _but_me," Ivan replied pitching the boy's nose, "you will rest now, da?"

* * *

><p>Someone was crying.<p>

Ivan watched all the bodies around him, Nazis' bodies. No one had killed them, they were dead before the Red Army reached Berlin. They had killed themselves, everyone. Themselves, their friends, theirs families.

Everyone was dead in Berlin and if someone was still alive, he would had been killed soon.

But there weren't only dead bodies inside that bunker, someone was crying.

Ivan found Gilbert against a wall, there was blood on his face and on his uniform but the Russian couldn't understand if he was wounded. _"Stay away from us!"_He shouted holding something against his chest protectively. Ivan didn't understand what was, at first, "Gilbert…"

_"Stay away from us!"_Gilbert was crying but he was doing it silently.

Someone else was crying.

_"Don't you dare to touch him!"_

Ivan froze looking for someone else in the darkness: the young man that Gilbert wasn't allowing him to touch. "Lyudovik…" He called but no one answered, "Lyudovik!"

_"Don't you dare to touch him, I said!"_ Gilbert sobbed violently and closed his eyes wrapping his arms around the little thing in his arms tightly, _"Don't you dare…"_Poor Prussia, he would have done everything for his little brother but it wasn't important if Ivan wasn't allowed to touch him, because he had already touched Ludwig for more than a year.

The Russian General knelt down before the albino and Gilbert pressed his back against the wall like he could go through it in a way or another, "I…" The Russian murmured sadly, "I've already touched him, Gilbert," he said sincerely, "I already took everything from him."

Gilbert closed his eyes kissing the little thing in his arms, _"I know…"_

Someone was crying.

_"I know…"_ Gilbert was crying, too.

Ivan reached out with his right hand and Gilbert stiffened, "if they will find you, they will try to kill you or they will torture you. Do you understand?" The albino nodded slightly.

Someone was crying.

"You have to trust me."

Gilbert shook his head violently.

"Gilbert, I can take pity on you but my soldiers don't know who you are. You're a German, it's enough for them."

Gilbert looked at the little thing in his arms again_, "will they torture my baby, too?"  
><em>  
>Ivan frowned, "baby?"<p>

The albino took another look to the bundle in his arms and Ivan widened his eyes, "oh, God…" He came closer and Gilbert didn't complain, he relaxed a little showing the little thing in his arms to the Russian soldier. The baby boy was screaming loudly: his face was red and dirty, he sounded very angry but it was still the only beautiful thing in that human Hell. Ivan stared at the little creature in complete reaching out to brush his gloved fingertips against the small blond head, "Lyudovik…"

_"Ivan…"_

"Lyudovik."

_"Ivan…"_

"Lyudovik… Lyudya… I…"

_"I was waiting… You've never come…"_

"Ludwig!"

"Ivan!"

The Russian opened his violet eyes, his heart was racing, he could barely breathe, a cold hand was pressed against his cheek.

"Ivan?" Ludwig confused blue eyes welcomed him into the real world.

Ivan blinked two times trying to understand what was happening: he was on his bed, Ludwig was sitting next to him, his chest was heavy, everything was vague and confused. Another nightmare…

Ivan closed his eyes resting his head against the pillow. "Another nightmare…" He muttered but Ludwig was still there in his bedroom when he reopened his eyelids. On his bed to be precise.

_Did I wake him up?_

"Ludwig?" He called confused and the boy didn't disappear like his nightmares, "are you really here?"

The young German nodded, "ja, Ivan," he said hesitantly, he blushed slightly lowering his eyes, "I didn't want to wake you but you were screaming in your sleep calling someone… You looked in pain."

_Good… He has heard me…_

Ivan smiled briefly looking up at him, "you've done the right thing, don't be sorry," he reached out touching the German's face, he was warm. A little too warm. "Ludwig?" He sat up and took the teenager's face in his hands, Ludwig widened his eyes but he didn't complain while Ivan got closer resting his lips against his forehead.

He froze waiting for the Russian to let him go but Ivan just looked down at him smiling gently, "you're still burning up, you don't have to walk around the house during the night, it's cold!"

"I-I'm sorry…"

"You don't need to be sorry," Ivan got off of the bed and Ludwig was going to stand up with him but the Russian pushed him against the mattress, "nyet! Nyet! It's cold, the bed is warm."

Ludwig stiffened, "I can go back to my room."

"Nyet, it's too cold!" Ivan complained without stopping to smile, "get comfortable, I take a bath, wait for me!"

Ludwig turned redder, _wait for him? In his bed?_

"Ivan, I can…"

"Please, Ludwig, wait for me until I come back. I don't like to be alone after a nightmare."

_Are you a child?_Ludwig thought but he just nodded resting his back against the pillows. Ivan smiled brightly: did it make him so happy? "I'll come back soon, I promise!" The Russian exclaimed cheerfully taking his t-shirt off and throwing in on the floor. Ludwig held his breath: he was going to die because of the embarrassment, he was sure of it!

But, while his cheeks turned purple, he couldn't help but stare at the half-naked Russian in front of him: Ivan was a handsome young man , he acted childishly sometimes but he hid a masculine body under his clothes. He was tall and strong but Ludwig turned sad when he saw all the scars all over his skin. He knew Russian History, he knew how much Ivan's life had been hard and cruel but now that he could see it with his eyes, it hurt him in a way of another.

_Did my brother suffer so much during his life?_

Did the first Ludwig make suffer everyone like this?

He hold the blanked against his chest while Ivan disappeared inside the bathroom.

He came back twenty minutes later wearing only a clean pair of black boxer. Ludwig forced himself to stare at the floor, he didn't want to make Ivan see the envy in his eyes when he looked at him. Envy? Was it really envy? Ludwig had seen Alfred half-naked a lot of times but the American was like an older brother for him, it was different. Ludwig used to stare at the older blonde's body because when he looked at himself, he saw only an unripe teen body.

He wasn't too thin, he wasn't fat at all. He wasn't short but he wasn't very tall, yet.

He was fifteen and he wanted only to be an adult, a strong man, he wanted to have a soldier's body like Ivan and Alfred.

_Like Ivan…_

Ludwig stared up at him again while the Russian was looking for something inside a drawer.

It was envy, childish envy! Nothing more and nothing less!

It couldn't be nothing else, right?

It couldn't be… It couldn't be…

"Ludwig?"

Blue met violent.

"Yes, Ivan?"

"Are you alright?" Ivan asked wearing a white shirt buttoning up only the first three buttons, "you look nervous."

"Nein…" Ludwig shook his head slowly, "maybe, I have…" He stood up quickly: he couldn't stay inside that room: he was suffocating. Ivan didn't make his breathe, "I have to go back in my room and…" He didn't know what to add, "good night, Ivan."

Ivan froze.

_Good night, Ivan._

_Nyet! Nyet! Nyet!_ _You're not going to abandon me again! You're not going to betray me again!_

He saw those blue eyes one more time, they used to be so empty when Ivan had saved him from his soldier's revenge.

A broken doll. He had bothered himself to pick up a broken doll between a lot of dead bodies.

Those blue eyes weren't empty anymore when he had seen them for the last time.

_I will come back._

"No, you didn't…" Ivan reached the young German quickly wrapping his arms around his body almost violently.

_I won't let you go this time, Lyudovik_.

Ludwig stopped to breath completely.

"Why do you want to leave me alone like this?" Ivan murmured against the skin of his neck and Ludwig shivered in his arms, "don't you like me a little, at least?"

"Iv-Ivan…" Ludwig tried with trembling voice, "you're tired, you're confused."

"Oh, nyet, nyet…" Ivan pressed his lips against his neck and Ludwig froze, "I'm not confused, Ludwig, I'm terrified. I can't sleep without seeing those horrible scenes again. My nights are so cold, so lonely, so cruel," another butterfly kiss on the neck, "I'm tired to be alone, just like you…"

Ludwig felt the Russian's hand moved on his stomach massaging it a little too sensually, "I-Ivan I will stay with you but stop it, please."

"I don't want to hurt you," Ivan murmured placing another kiss between his hair.

"I know but I don't like it."

"Liar…" Ivan murmured trying to slid his fingers inside his boxer. Ludwig shoved an elbow on Ivan's ribs to free himself and turned around to look at the Russian. Ivan looked up at him with a painful gaze on his face, "Ludwig?" He tried to touch the young German's face, but Ludwig slapped him with all his strength.

The atmosphere froze.

Ludwig found himself pressed against the door.

Ivan was stared at him confused and surprised at the same time, one hand pressed against the offended cheek.

They looked at each other for a while.

Ivan was the first to move and Ludwig couldn't fight back.

"What the hell do you want from me?"

The Russian pushed the young one on the bed violently, Ludwig tried to stand up again but Ivan moved over him blocking his body against the mattress.

"I can give you everything, I only ask for a little more!" Ivan growled, his violet eyes were dark and dangerous like a demon's ones, "a little more, Ludwig!" He grabbed the German's shoulders shaking him violently. Ludwig closed his eyes terrified, "Ivan…"

_"I was waiting… you've never come…"_

"No, you wasn't waiting for me. You've betrayed me two times!"

"What are you saying?" Ludwig screamed without opening his eyes, "Ivan, please, Ivan…" Ivan stopped himself just when the first tear rolled down Ludwig's cheek.

The silence fell upon them.

Ludwig was sobbing softly and Ivan was still over his body staring down at him with wide open eyes.

"Lyudovik?"

"I'm not Lyudovik!" Ludwig shouted looking up at him, his blue eyes were full of tears but they were firm and proud, "I'm Ludwig! I'm Ludwig! I've been named after a monster but I'm not going to pay because of him!"

"Ludwig," Ivan murmured again cupping his right cheek, the younger German slapped that hand away, "don't touch me!"

"Ludwig, I'm sorry!" Ivan exclaimed bending down to rest his forehead against the teenager's, "I'm so sorry!"

"You're just like them!" Ludwig shouted, "you're just like them!"

Ivan didn't reply, he closed his eyes waiting for the boy to calm down, "I didn't want to scare you, Ludwig, I'm so sorry."

Ludwig grabbed the blanket beneath him without replying, he turned his head to his side staring at the wall without really seeing it: what was wrong with him? He hadn't asked to Arthur and Francis to be his parents, he hadn't asked to Ivan to care about him. He had tried to do his best but it wasn't enough. It was never enough!

_Gilbert… Gilbert… Gilbert!_

He felt Ivan's fingers on his face, the Russian grabbed his chin forcing him to look at his face.

Ivan's eyes were deep violet, again.

"Ivan?" Ludwig called confused.

The Russian brushed his fingertips against his cheek gently and then he leaned down slowly.

"Ivan…" Ludwig rested his hands against the Russian chest trying to push him away weakly, "Ivan?"

But Ivan didn't stop.

"Ivan, what are you…?"

Ludwig's question died against Ivan's lips.

The world stopped, Ludwig's heart stopped. But he didn't complain, he did nothing, he just stayed still feeling Ivan suck his lower lip gently. Ludwig didn't know how to react, he didn't even know if it was pleasant or not.

He didn't kiss back, he wasn't able to kiss at all.

His heart was going to explode: it was a mistake! It was wrong! He didn't want it! Ludwig didn't want it!

_I want you._

He didn't want it.

_I need you, I need your touch._

It was disgusting! Disgusting!

_I like it. _

He wanted to go back home!

_Don't leave me alone, again_.

Again? Why, _again_? His mind was making another joke to him.

_I was waiting…_

No, he wasn't waiting!

_… you've never come._

But Ivan was with him, now.

_I was waiting for you._

Ludwig closed his eyes slowly, Ivan smiled against his lips but he didn't stop to kiss him.

_Is it too late?_

* * *

><p><strong>N. <strong>_The title is changed and the summary is changed, you will understan why the new title is "Somebody that I used to know" very soon, (meanwhile listen to "somebody that I used to know - Gotye)_

Two important things:

1, the first scene

2, Ivan's babbling about Lyudovik and his two betrayals.

Focus on it, guys!

Comments are love!


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